Refusing new high school

[mia123]

My 16yo daughter has started a new school and is not coping beginning with refusal to get up in the morning to not getting out of the car when being dropped off. She wants to go to her old school which is a senior Catholic campus instead of the public system she is enrolled in. The change has triggered behaviours seen when she suffered an eating disorder at the age of 13 from the idea of abandonment. Her father left, a boyfriend relationship ended and more recent, none of the familiar friendship group is around her. We have talked about what is bothering her at the new school. Other students have been mean to her which is making things worse. She tells me she sits by herself in class and during recess feeling isolated. I am planning to talk to the school, but have decided to let her stay at home until we can put something in place where she is safe. It is distressing to her and our family.

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @mia123 

Thanks for sharing this, I can really understand how stressful and upsetting this must all be for your whole family. Your daughter has been through so much and it must be incredibly overwhelming for her to be in a new school where she hasn't formed friendships yet.

Talking to the school is a great step to take when bullying is occuring at the school, let us know how you go with this and if they are able to offer support. Would she be interested in seeing the school counsellor? Or perhaps looking into external supports like a psychologist?

Its so tough when something happens that triggers disordered eating behaviours, were there supports that were helpful last time this happened that could be worth revisiting?

Its very clear how important your daughters safety and wellbeing is to you and she's lucky to have you looking out for her in these really proactive ways 

I'm wondering as well, as this is so tough for the whole family, are there things that maybe you could all do together that bring joy? Sometimes when things are really hectic it's nice to do something peaceful and enjoyable together 

[mia123]

Thank you @Hannah-RO We had a no school day yesterday and took the train to Sydney looking around, eating, shopping, as a family. I didn't realise we needed it. Great advice. Today we'll be talking to the school for support

Also, we had two day psychologist, nutritionist, GP and school support set during her last life challenge at the age of 13. However, I found that she started to use these as a crutch because she realised she could get out of school. I'm aware to monitor reliance on support systems and build resilience instead.

[Janine-RO]

Hi @mia123 , 

It's so good to hear that having a day off as a family was so helpful to you all - sometimes it can do a world of good to step off the everyday life treadmill for a day! I hope that talking to the school goes well and that your daughter has a better day today, keep us posted with how you're getting on.