02-18-2018 12:21 PM
Hello everyone. My daughter is coming home from the hospital after a stay for suicidal ideation. We have been given a worksheet to complete about the house rules when she comes home and I am just stuck. She wants everything to be exactly the same despite all that has been said and has been done and revealed. Much of which was news to me. Where do I even start? How can I be reasonable even though my instinct is to put her on lockdown and restrict everything? What topics should be prioritized? Has anyone ever completed one of these before?
02-18-2018 01:10 PM
Hi @iloveyoueva Thanks for posting. This must be really difficult to navigate especially now that, as you say, you know more about what's going on for your daughter. The issue now of course is how to move forward. The first thing I would be thinking is how safe is your daughter in terms of ab actual plan to take her life or is it ideation without intention. It sounds like it is ideation without intention but for your piece of mind it won't hurt to check in with her now and again to see if she's feeling safe. You should have had some advice around this from the health care professionals (?).
In terms of rules that's a tricky one. Maybe it would be good to think about some non negotiables to begin with (such as curphews and drug taking etc) whatever it is that you believe are lines that should not be crossed. Then you can talk more about what rules (and rewards?) can be created together. I think this could be a good exersice to communicate openly about what are your shared expectations. She may have some ideas on what good rules for herself are and where you can affort to give a little bit of freedom (where she has earned it). She may need a bit of prompting to open up with you starting the dialogue if she's closed off. When doing this I would suggest to try and not make it a big stressful task but try and do it casually maybe while having some snacks and a tea/coffee/softdrink!
In any care it sounds like you're processing some pretty heavy new information that you've learned about your daughter, so you might need to think about allowing yourself some time and space to let this settle a bit. I'm really glad you've posted here for this reason because you will get some new ideas and support around this. I can hear how worried you are and how much you care which I really respect. Just don't forget about yourself in all this too.