Son BPD and ADHD

[Surfbeach77]

I am 65 years with metastatic cancer. My son has BPD and ADHD.
I am a single parent with my ex abandoning my kids when they were son 6 years and daughter 8 years old.
My son has injured himself so badly over the last few years (attempted suicide, self harm etc).
I have difficulties with my own condition and am exhausted from the worry, stress and abuse that I have been putting up with.
I am rely worried that when I pass he will suicide.
Pain specialists have taken him off pain relief cold turkey and he is banned from mental health places at atleast 2 hospitals.
Because he uses marijuana and is covered in tattoos they think he is trying to milk the system, of course he gets abusive though not physically and they won't put up with it.
Everytime he says he is going to kill hi.self I take him to ER they don't do anything.
He is slowly maturing but it is so tiring for me and him.
He has a strong extended family but some including his mother really don't want much to do with him.
I see the lovely little boy in there but it is very rare.
I weep quite often.
I get told to cut him off but I can't.
I want to have as much of a relationship as I can, I dont have time to wait for him to sort it out (if possible).
He has been seemingly open to DBT but the mental health nurse i talked to last time I took him to ER said he is not ready to do it. This of course upset me a bit as I have been trying to get him to do it.
I understand he is the only person who can actually initiate any rehabilitation.
I think recently he realised that there is no medical cure for his disorder, and he seems more open to it my problem is I am worried if he does it too early he may fail.
I have my life sorted except for my son, but it is a BIG thing to have to deal with.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Surfbeach77,

Thanks for sharing. Firstly, I’m sorry to hear that you have cancer. I imagine that must be unimaginably difficult to deal with on top of everything else that you have mentioned. I can hear that your son has had a very challenging journey and that his struggles with mental health have had a significant impact on both himself and you. I imagine your son must experience a whole lot of pain when he is unable to access his pain medication - I am so sorry that he has to suffer through that. This sounds so difficult to manage all of this as a single parent with your own health issues. If you don’t mind telling me, how old is your son? It is possible that working towards being ready for DBT could provide some hope for your son and a new avenue to go down.

From what you’ve told me I can tell that you are a very caring nurturing parent and for that, your son is lucky to have someone like you. I can hear that you are doing all that you can to support your son even though it is not always easy. It must be so frustrating when the emergency department does nothing when your son tells them that he is going to end his life. Sometimes the hospital is the best place someone can be to ensure they are safe. You can also contact your local CATT to perform a mental health assessment - 1800 676 822. It is a free 24/7 service, staffed by mental health professionals. You are also encouraged to call SCBS on 1300 659 467 any time you need to talk things through with a counsellor - helping someone we love with suicidal thoughts can be so hard. You are right in that rehabilitation must come from himself and cannot be forced on him for it to work, but it sounds like you have been continually supportive your sons mental health journey as his support person which is one of the most valuable tools that a person struggling can have.

It is great to hear that you have your own life sorted. Have you been able to take some time out to do things that you enjoy throughout all this? I can also hear that this is taken a toll on you and that you struggle to cut your son off. Understandably, every parent wants to help their child and can’t help but think of the small child they once knew trapped inside. I am wondering if you have any support for yourself? Whether that be professional supports or friends and family. 

Please feel welcome to keep us updated, we would love to hear from you.