Son abusive

[Designed]

Original post removed by author.

[motherbear]

Hi @Designed Wow ! You have been dealing with a lot . You must be at your wits end . It must be incredibly difficult for you to protect your other children and it must be a constant battle and worry . Your son sounds very sick and he must be in a lot of turmoil too . 

This may seem obvious but you have mentioned counsellors , mentors and psychologists but not a psychiatrist ? Has your son seen seen one ? 

I think that what ever is going on may well be over your head in terms of management if he is threatening to kill you and your family . 

Firstly you need a solid diagnosis before you can move on this in a way that is meaningful  way . If it was me I would take him to emergency tell them that he is threatening to kill his family . Is he suicidal too ? Is he showing signs of psychosis ? 

See if you can get him admitted to a pysch ward where he can be assessed thoroughly . Perhaps get 2 psychiatrists opinion before you move to the next step .  I believe this may well be too much for a psychologist to deal with in all honesty - even a clinical psychologist. He may well need  psychiatric medication to control his behaviour . 

If he threatens to kill you all again verbally or with a knife , call  his pyschiatrist and get him committed . The police can take him . 

You may well have to pay for  in patient treatment in an adolescent mental health facility  for an extended period of time  to stabilise him before he can come back to the family . 

Keep at it .  So sorry ! 

[Designed]

Original post removed by author.

[Ngaio-RO]

Thanks for sharing your story @Designed 

My heart just breaks for you all. No one deserves to go through what you guys have gone through. Including your boy. It's great to hear you say that this doesn't just happen to "bad" parents. I completely agree.

It's the same for kids. Brain chemistry misfunctions aren't earned. To me, your story sounds like one of a loving normal boy whose brain somehow got out of whack. And as a result, you all learned the hard way how limited our systems are.

I think the saddest thing about these sorts of issues, including other mental health issues too, is how relentless they are and what that does to how we see and feel about our kid. As parents, we find a way to love our kids even while they're unwittingly wrecking our lives but as humans, it's impossible to not feel all the other stuff too.

You sound like you've found some things that work for you guys and like he might be in a somewhat better mind-frame at the moment, is that right?

Your health professionals may have already stated this but some imbalances can correct themselves once kids get to their early 20s. Any chance that's on the horizon for you guys? Or are you not thinking that far ahead at this stage?

I hope you hang around and stay a part of this community. You've been stretched beyond belief, I'd love for you to get a well-earned reprieve. maybe even a few laughs.

[Designed]

Thanks! Have had a few laughs provided me on here! Yes, I have heard they can sort themselves out around 19/20yrs, but only if they have had the right help along the way and not damaged themselves too much before then with risk taking behaviour. If personality disorders aren't treated, they lead into lifelong mental health disorders. He has only had a short time trialling living out at the extension, so we shall see how it goes long term/short term if he improves. In his words "It's only because you guys aren't around me." that he is not so angry. Hmmm. It is heart breaking. He really was/will be a beautiful young man. The most amazing heart. And I know we will see it again. Just have to survive this. But last 2 and half years have been the pits...for many reasons. But you learn a lot hey. And learn more grace towards others. Finding people on here going through the same thing helps...can be a lonely journey. We have been candid & honest with people in our lives (trusted people). Maybe then, if they go through it, they can know there's someone who can relate and support them....and demystify the whole bad kids come from bad homes thing.

[motherbear]

Hi @Designed So glad to hear you have temporarily found a way to " contain " him . This must be so painful for him and for your family .  Best of luck with the psychiatrist I hope you find a solid pathway of support and action with them . Where do you live ? I know in Victoria and in  S. A a psychiatrist  sign off can get him committed . He is a child and the efforts to get him into a hospital are easier than if he was an adult who is refusing psychiatric treatment. Thank goodness he is not 18 yet ! 

Squeakiest wheel gets the attention .  Unfortunately you have to constantly in the faces of the psychiatrist and the police to get a joint effort , to gain traction . The mental health care system in Australia needs a huge shift in consciousness and culture . It is overwhelmed so only treats acute crisis situations . We need to take threats of violence towards others as seriously as if someone says  they are suicidal . I always tell people who present in the Mental Heath care system  , say you are either suicidal  even if you are not , or you are at risk of harming others, even if you are not . You almost have to be at the end of your tether to get immediate help or  you will inevitably get sent home with a Panadol . 

Let your instinct drive your narrative . Only you know the history that has befallen you and your family and it IS ENOUGH of a crisis as is a car crash . Please take care of yourself , you sound like you are at your wits end , this must be overwhelming for you and your family . I am sorry to hear your relationship with your husband is not as good as it could be either . Issues with children can cause huge rifts . 

Stay strong and united in your love for your son , there is a way out and you will find it . You are doing a great job . 

Best wishes to you all . Don't give up ! 🙏This is a prayer not a thank you emoji! 

[Designed]

Thank you @motherbear has been a long, long journey.  I am very blessed really.  Just waiting to come back to life...have dreams and hope again.  Get to be creative. Get to love on my husband for a change

[Designed]

Will take prayers any day...that's where the real answers lie!

[Jammy]

My heart goes out to all of you.
My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with GAD when she was 11. We struggle a lot with aggressive outbursts as well, snd when she's in a state, she can be manipulative.
We visited her psychiatrist a few days ago. When my daughter was out if the room, I asked the doctor if she could have borderline personality disorder. The doctor said that's possible, but it's not normally considered until they are over 18 years old.
Did your son ever see a psychiatrist? If not, I think that's where you should start.
I also feel overwhelmed by the system. I am amazed how we parents often have to find out information ourselves.
Why is this???

[Chalke5]

Hi @Designed, sounds like you are in crises.  Have you phoned the hospital, mental health child and adolescent emergency department hotline?  No need to call police or take him there yourself.  I had to initially do this when I was trying to get my head round similar issues with our son.  A psychiatrist came to my house several times and a psychologist and they were able to give a diagnosis.  I found this service extremely helpful.  Eventually our son went to visits at the hospital.  However, we had left seeking help and treatment a long time and eventually he had a forced admission to hospital.  The system is slow and if there is mental health issues it really will benefit and you will get some great information about caring for him and yourself.