Strained Relationship with 15 year old son

[pweeks]

Hello I have a son who is 15.  He doesn't respect me in a way that I feel I deserve.  We also don't have a close connection anymore.  His Dad can never do wrong and uses his stature and voice to get him to listen.  I don't like yelling and also came from a violent background.  My husband never lays a hand on him but I think the emotional abuse and agressive isn't how I want our son to learn.  

My husband and I have have been arguing a lot and most of it is on the way we do things differently with the children.  We have a daughter 13 and it is like boys vs girls.  Even if we are arguing my son will take his side and parrot some of the things my husband says about me under his breathe.  He thinks I don't follow through and that is why they don't respect me.  

He thinks our problems are the kids, but I don't agree.  I find the mental abuse (maybe it isn't and I am just sensitive) hard.  I have low self esteem and both boys make it feel lower.  I love them both.  I want my relationship with my son to improve.  I am not sure where to start.  He thinks I nag him to do stuff.  

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @pweeks , thank you for sharing with us here on the forums. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling as though your son does not respect you. That must be a really diffciult thing for you to experience. I think you have been really proactive by thinking about how you were raised and using this to inform the way that you will raise your child. The arguments that you describe sound really challenging. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be disagree with your parent on how you would like to raise your child. Is this something that you would feel comfortable discussing with him further? I think it is really great that you want the relationship with your son to improve. If you have not already spoken to a professional about this, I would highly recommend speaking to a professional to get some support and advice around what your next steps should be. One helpline that you can call for advice is Parentline. You can call them to talk to a trained counsellor and get some advice around what you can do . I hope that you find this to be helpful   

[Teen15]

Im in a similar situation. My son is 15 and he doesn't respect me at all. He's only nice when he asks for things. Its very stressful. He is also ADHD and ODD the oppositional one. My husband and i also agrue mainly about how we parent out son. My daughter is 10 and he won't dare defy me when I discipline her but he gets in my face when I discipline him. You don't have low esteem.. you are just tired. My father was an alcoholic and i wish things were different but I realized later in life that i needed to be more assertive and i spoke up more. Unfortunately, divorce is a topic we discuss alot. It's so hard, but we need a counselor.