Hello, I am a mother to a soon to be 16 year old son. His father and I are divorced and I am the weekend parent. The co parenting is pretty much non existent I try to be a part of my son’s academic life etc and I am ignored or told that it is taken care of. I have tried to step up before and my ex and his family refused to allow me to be more involved. That being said my ex and I are cordial to each other for my son’s sake. This weekend has been fun but difficult. I made the mistake of venting to my son about having to drive an hour and some to pick him up since his father would not meet me. I try not to do this at all but sometimes I am just so frustrated that it just comes out. Anyway I try to communicate with my son as much as possible we live in different states so I can’t be there all the time but he knows If he needs me I’m right with him. Sometimes we have good heart to heart conversations but I notice whenever I’m taking him back to his dad he can be rude and say things like “I can’t wait to get out of the car.” Or if we are talking about his reluctance to talk he says”I have better things to do” which really hurts. My question is how do I address this? He is perfectly great until he returns to his dad and should I be trying to communicate with him so much or let him come to me. I’m having a hard time finding a balance since I feel so much love for him and be the parent that he needs. We usually don’t have a lot to do when he comes over so we go shopping and I get him a lot of stuff. I guess to try and make things better and make him happy which I know is probably not the right thing to do. I just feel like I’m screwing up royally and I have no idea how to make things better. Help!
Re: Super lost mom to 15 going on 16 year old son.
09-26-202207:27 PM - edited 09-26-202207:49 PM
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having coparenting difficulties regarding your son. It must be upsetting to have your involvement with your son limited by your ex partner. From what you have mentioned, it sounds like you are doing all you can to make an effort which is challenging, especially as you live in different states. Do you know why your ex appears to be limiting your involvement with your son?
It sounds like things are not where you’d like them to be with your son. I can imagine this must feel crushing considering how difficult things are. It’s hard to know what to do and there is no right answer. It’s great that your son is aware that you are there for him, if need be. Have you talked to your son about your relationship including whether there is anything you could do differently or how he would like to spend your time together? For what it’s worth, it sounds like you are doing a great job trying to navigate a complex situation. Given how hard this is, I am wondering if you have any support for yourself at the moment? We’re here for you