TW: 13D What would you do next?

[anotherusername]

I've tried to cover major points here but there is a lot... so forgive me if I miss something deemed as important information.

My 13yr old daughter (will be 14 in May) was diagnosed with ODD w ADHD 6mths ago.
She isn't home consistently to take medication (she stays between friends as often as possible and sometimes resorts to sleeping on the streets). She isnt open to getting helped and stopped participating in psychiatrist sessions after a handful of visits. She was expelled from school at the end of last year (2nd expulsion for the year) and has very little interest in returning. She (and friends) has been banned from shopping centres for 6mths of consistent shop lifting, graffiting and general nuisance activities (two of which is a life ban). She refuses to have a relationship with her dad but also tells me she hates me and calls me every name under the sun (not to mention the spitting in my face, and being violent on a couple of occassions) I keep the police informed but I haven't pressed charges myself. She self harms, inhales deoderant, smokes weed.. who knows what else. I should probably mention that she attempts to use her SH as a bribery tactic. E.g. "If I don't relapse before my birthday, will you get my nose pierced"

I am recently married and she is destroying my chance of being happy with a man who loves me and I deeply love. The problem is he hates her and doesn't want to even begin to understand ODD.
A psychic told me she will be the cause of our marraige failing and I desperately do not want this to happen. They also said she would fall pregnant and I would be left caring for the baby (I already know this is a deal breaker for my husband). I know it's crazy to wholeheartedly believe in these predictions, but there were too many validations to ignore. I'm not sure if I can let nature take its course (worrying that this will see the end of my marraige).

What do I do about my daughter who doesn't want to be helped?
How do I protect my marraige and keep his children safe (when we have them for every other weekend/school holidays). My family love this man, can see the love he has for me and can see she is destroying us. They are wanting me to do what it takes to preserve finally being in a happy marraige.

So. So many questions...
How do I go about getting her an IUD?
What options do I have when I don't have the funding to pursue help she isn't willing to get?
(Cymhs denies her case as she isn't acute enough when self harming and the hospital echoes the same sentiment when she ends up there on suicide watch and will only watch her overnight). Not that she is open to care at the moment... fruitless question really.
Do I send her elsewhere to protect my future? (Wouldn't even know what the options are/where to start though)

Help. I feel broken, defeated, alone and useless as a mother. I know I'm not strong enough to stand up to her. Even the psychiatrist voiced this concern. My stress and anxiety is high, my depression is higher and it all contributes to my blood pressure being low (leaving me occasionally fainty), having severe pain in my jaw/TMJ and stress headaches and migraines.
What would you do next???

[Blake-RO]

Hey @anotherusername 

Thank you for sharing this with us and for being so open and honest, it sounds like it has been an extremely difficult time for you and your daughter and we are really glad that you have found us and have been able to reach out for support.

I’m sorry to hear that you have been experiencing so much pain, uncertainty and instability as a family, it sounds like you have been dealing with a lot recently and I can hear how hard you are trying to support your daughter and family.

I was wondering if you felt comfortable sharing more about what your daughters supports look like and whether she is receiving any professional support or any support from her father or family?

I know that you mentioned that she sometimes sleeps on the streets and was wondering if she has any other safe places that she can stay such as with her father or other family members?

It sounds like you have been trying really hard to navigate through this and do right by everyone in your life. I wanted to let you know that there are really great services available that might be able to provide you with more support such as Carer Gateway. We also have a free one-on-one support service where you can speak with a professional parenting and family coach to get some more support. Headspace is also another great support service and they have resources for parents and carers that you may find helpful.

I’m also mindful of the impact that this is having on you and was wondering what your supports look like and whether you’ve spoken to a GP or mental health professional? It’s important to remember that your health and wellbeing is just as important, and you don’t have to do this alone.

We are really glad that you have reached out for some support and I want to remind you that we are all here to listen and support you during this tough time and you don’t have to do this alone.

Also, we have sent you an email to check in, could you please keep an eye out for that?