TW: 15 Year Old Daughter allowed a boy to take advantage of her

[Anne228]

I need help...This weekend I found out my daughter allowed a boy to...I hate saying it...take advantage of her. She got her first kiss the same night. I haven't allowed her to date or have boyfriends until she was a freshman in high school, which she is this year.  A boy that has always liked her asked me for permission to date her, which I thought was commemorable.  I allowed her to go over to his parent's house with two other couples (thinking the parents would be supervising) when this occurred.  He did this when the 6 of them were watching a movie in the same room.  She told her best friend he took advantage of her and she was uncomfortable but was afraid to say no because she didn't want to ruin the night. Her best friend told her mom and the mom told me. I confronted my daughter who denied it, but eventually stopped and knew I knew the truth.  

I struggle with the consequences of this. I won't let her go to his parent's house anymore. If they want to see each other, it has to be here, where I can monitor more. I know this type of thing happens...and I know my daughter will experiment...however, I'm more worried about her lack of self-worth that occurred. She was afraid to say no. My heart breaks. She is such a strong and beautiful girl, and knowing she was scared to say no makes me fearful of her future. 

My question: How can I instill a sense of value to herself? How do I make her feel like she is a treasure and needs to wait?  Am I overreacting?  Is this typical teen behavior? 

Background facts: I'm a single mother, father is horrible who she hates, the boy has been her best friend for 4 years.  

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Anne228,

I can see you are new here and want to welcome you to ReachOut parents, I hope that you will find this is a supportive community here 

I am really sorry to read what has happened with your daughter, I can hear that this has been a really shock and very distressing for you both. It takes so much courage to be so open and honest about what your family is going through, particularly in raising the discussion about consent and saying no  I am hearing that this was not a consensual experience, is this correct?  How is your daughter coping after this experience? 

In relation to the questions you have asked here, having a conversation with your daughter about sex, boundaries and consent may be something to help her understand and feel more confident to say no if she is not comfortable. ReachOut has a resource here that might give some starting points. What are your thoughts about having this conversation?

Self worth is something that has been discussed quite a bit by other parents on this forum. @taokat @Schooner and @sunflowermom have been having a conversation here this week that you might find helpful too. 

I have just had to edit out some of the details about the experience as per our community guidelines given your daughters age and that this may not have been a consensual experience. 

Do you have a support system to lean on right now to support both you and your daughter? 

[Flydworld]

I think you should give her an advice on how special she is and not the other way around, if she would date she needs to pick someone who’d respect her as the treasure she is.