TW: Daughter having a tuff time. Via contact centre and caff cass. Due to dad applying to court

[Nam82]

Hi I'm new hear. Not sure if I'm in the right place. Im currently going through court proceedings with my daughters dad over contact. My 11 year old daughter has been having visits with her dad in a contact centre. Caff cass are involved. And the stress of it all is really getting to her. She came home from school saying she'd hurt her arms from falling over. They aren't marks from falling over both me and my daughter brought it to the attention of the children's centre and our caff cass officer. And they have both reported it to childrens services as a critical incident and for investigation. My daughter said as if I'd hurt my self mum. I know she's going through alot of stress right now and doesn't really want anything to do with her dad. I'm now thinking that I'm going to be slated as a mother. She has never hurt her self before. And I don't think she has done it deliberately. But they are taking it very seriously. I have fibromyalgia and I'm so stressed about it. I've spoken to my daughter and she is sure that she did it whilst playing. On both arms. I don't know what to do. Can anyone try to understand my post and offer any advice. I just want it all to be over with for my daughters happiness. She really doesn't want to be alone with her dad and that really concerns me as a mother. She always used to go. Now she refuses. It's always a persuading game it's awful. For her and me and our family. I have custody of her and theirs nothing against me as a mum. Dad is a drug user and is supossed to be getting help. He has broken promises to our daughter and tries to turn things around on me. I really can't believe life has gotten like this for her.

[Claire-RO]

Hi @Nam82 

Welcome to ReachOut Parents. 

Thank you for being so courageous and sharing what you have been going through. You mentioned that Caff Cass are involved, I am not familiar with acronym, would you mine clarifying what they do? It sounds like there has been a lot going on and you really care and are worried about your daughter. It sounds really challenging at the moment, are there people in your life that you can talk to about this?

We really thank you for being so honest, there are plenty of people here that can empathise with this experience. You are not alone  

[Nam82]

Hi Claire. Thank you for welcoming me. Yes it's very upsetting. Caff cass are ordered by the family courts to conduct reports on what is best for the child. They do safe guarding for the children involved in family court cases. They are their to hear the children's opinions and listen. Then they write reports to the court and solicitors involved. They can be very useful. Although I feel that at times you are penalised as a parent. I can't argue as the last report was a positive outcome for me and my daughter. This isn't what she needs. I suppose it's just to check if all is OK with her. And I do have my partner he is very supportive. But I fell he is very out spoken in his opinions at times for the good. But It also nice to get advice from other people who aren't involved. Thank you for getting back to me. I really appreciate it.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @Nam82,

Thank you for getting back to us It sounds like the process of the court reports are very challenging- I can't begin to imagine the emotional impact it would have for both you and your daughter. What is your daughter's support system like at the moment? Does she have a supportive school, friends or professionals in her life? I can hear that she has a strong and loving advocate for her wellbeing in you

Very happy to hear that you have a supportive partner - having someone to lean on is so important I would be interested to hear if there are any things you are doing for yourself to help cope during such a stressful time? Your wellbeing is so important

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