12-28-2020 01:08 AM - last edited on 12-28-2020 09:21 AM by Sophia-RO
I really need some help and advice right now. I have posted a background post to this current situation previously .
In a summary. My son was sexually assaulted on one occasion when he was 3 1/2 and not in my care. He did counselling and everyone advised him not to disclose this information to friends at high school ,as he did in primary school.
Fast forward now. He's finished year 8. He and his friend were discussing secrets. The friend told him about a teacher he liked. My son told his friend about the sexual assault incident he went through as a toddler. My son then later teased his friend and disclosed his "secret" to another person, as the friend obsessively talked about things he wanted to do with the teacher. As revenge for that, my son's friend spread a rumor that my son was gay due to the assault incident. Throughout the whole year. In doing so, my son lost his friends because they exclude or ignore him, except to tease him. There was up to 15 boys teasing him with gay jokes and comments regularly in a period of 3-4 months.
This has made my son angry and upset. He has a learning disability so school has always been difficult. But now that he has no friends, school is becoming hell. He is so lonely on the school holidays. I have sent him on camp but he wasn't able to complete the full days due to covid 19. I may put him into sports programs.
I would like to help with this but due to a number of reasons which are private , I really can't invite ppl over to our place, and he's vehemently against inviting people who've been mean to him anyway. He hates everyone from school. I took the step to enrol into a new school, but there's no spaces and he's on a waiting list.
My son is now becoming mentally ill I feel, in a quest to have to prove that he's not gay due to the rumours. He's bitten his nails down so that he doesn't "look gay". Every little joke or action any of us (dad, me, sister, etc) makes is taken extremely seriously, even if it was a joke. For example, I apparently went to Kmart and made a joke about a cute girl's animal toy - he disliked this because he felt I was suggesting that he's gay. We all sometimes like to play with a cute pink toy my daughter's had since she was little. He now has angrily said don't do that anymore, it's gay.
He has called us all "fake",because he t
Thinks we are laughing behind his back calling him gay when we are not and have told him numerous times that we don't believe the rumours.
This evening, he came up to me and punched me. Because earlier in the day he was making a fuss about wearing a pair of shorts because they were not "long" enough. I think I had said something like, well, " What do you want to wear then,a skirt? " AS A JOKE. To get him to stop being silly. He thought there was an ulterior motive in my comment. He also checked my phone and saw something about body dysmorphia and thought i was looking that up in relation to him- i think i was just reading a random Quora post and that just came up. And the list goes on and on, like I'm walking on eggshells as to what will be taken the wrong way.
It's escalating into awful, abusive behaviour and I don't know what to do. Is this psychosis? He does see a counsellor but they're on holiday.
I hate this and really feel like calling police on him. I've tried reasoning with him,but he's very argumentative and thinks I'm plotting against him like his friends.
Any advice will be much appreciated. Thnx so much for reading this.
12-28-2020 09:31 AM
Hello @Sil77 , I am sorry to hear about what has been going on for you and your family. The bullying that your son has been through sounds awful and it must be so hard for him to experience that. It sounds like you have been proactive and supportive of your son by getting him involved in activities and looking at moving schools. It is also great that your son sees a counsellor for support. It sounds like it would be helpful for him to talk to a counsellor for support. While his regular counsellor is on leave, your son could call up some telephone counselling services like Kids Helpline or Headspace and talk to a counsellor. Is that something your son would be interested in doing? Just a heads up that I will be sending you an email shortly too
12-28-2020 10:20 AM
12-28-2020 12:17 PM - edited 12-28-2020 12:32 PM
Hello , thanks for getting back to me. I am glad to hear that you are safe and aware of the services available. I also just wanted to check with you if your son has ever been violent towards his siblings? Are your other children currently safe too?
It does sound like you are in a very tough situation. Do you currently have any support? Parentline is a service that offers free, confidential counselling for parents with a trained professional. You might find them to be helpful as they might be able to support you with some of your sons behavioural concerns.
12-28-2020 02:40 PM
12-28-2020 03:52 PM
Hello @Sil77 , glad to hear that his siblings are okay and that the violence is not directed towards them. It sounds like things are tough for your daughter as well, as she is needing to adapt her behaviour accordingly. Sounds like she is doing a good job at it though, she does sound quite mature! It must be hard for you to have most of your sons anger directed at you, so it is great that you will give Parentline a try. I hope that you find talking to someone about what you are going through to be helpful