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TW: distressing content. My daughter has bpd I can't cope

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TW: distressing content. My daughter has bpd I can't cope


TW: distressing content. My daughter has bpd I can't cope

Sorry if I've put this in the wrong discussion, my daughter who's 24 has BPD and I just feel exhausted in every way. I'm disabled and have health problems, I struggle to get about, I have no friends and am stuck living in what feels like a pressure cooker about to blow. She steals from me, wrecks my house, lies constantly, some of which have torn my family apart , and meant that  relationships were broken beyond repair. I was heart broken ,as her mum I defended her, I cut ties with people who said she was lying.


I was abused as a child and she knows this although I've never given any details, but she knows how this has impacted my life, my kids & husband are my life I've tried to give my kids everything I never had, she is my youngest and the only one who still lives at home. Her siblings are angry with her all of the time, they are mad at me too because they think shes spoilt and gets away with murder, when everyone gets together there is always some sort of bickering between them. She self harms and says look what you made me do. Her bedroom is vile you can't get the door open for stuff piled all over the floor and the smell is horrendous , if I was well enough I would go in there and clear it out myself ! last year I said enough is enough you need to stand on your own 2 feet, she was offered a place in assisted living, 2 days before she was due to move in she self harmed and said she was going to kill herself, I felt so guilty I let her stay with rules that she should follow & as soon as we notified the housing things went back to normal. It's affecting my marriage, her dad tends to ignore things for a quiet life, I get mad for him giving into unreasonable demands. Please understand I love all of my kids but I've got to the point I am seriously considering just moving out myself, the stress is exhausting and my mental health is at an all time low. I'm sorry for the novel I think I could write one! I just don't know what to do anymore.

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Re: TW: distressing content. My daughter has bpd I can't cope

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Hi @April-snow ,


I'm so deeply sorry to hear that you and your family have been having such a rough time. Supporting a loved one who lives with BPD can be really challenging, and doing that along with managing your own disability/history of trauma/ life in general is huge- you sound like an amazing and caring mum, who's doing the very best she can. I'm really glad you've been able to come here and share what's happening for you. 


I'm also hearing that the relationship with your daughter and her behaviour is having major ripple effects for you in terms of your relationship and wider support network- do you feel like you have enough support for yourself at the moment? The reason I ask is that as parents/carers it's often easy for us to keep on giving and sacrificing, and look for support for other people before ourselves - but you can't pour from an empty cup Heart


Unfortunately we are an Australian based organisation, so I don't have a whole lot of knowledge around services where you're based. It looks like you're in the UK, is that right? I am more than happy to have a look around for you for support options that may help both you and your daughter, would that be helpful?


I'm also hearing that when your daughter is very distressed, she sometimes says that she is planning on taking her life. That must be incredibly distressing for you as a parent. Has your daughter engaged with any treatment that can help her learn to regulate her emotions and cope when she's under a lot of stress? 


We have some resources that may be helpful in terms of self help for you and for your daughter, I'll just link those here:


When your teen doesn't want help

What to do if your teenager is suicidal


The second article I've linked here outlines some really important, simple and practical strategies for parents and young people when young people are having thoughts of suicide. I'm wondering if you have any concerns for her safety at all? 


I'm really glad that you were able to come here today and share a bit about what's been happening for you - we are here to listen, you're not alone.