03-17-2023 05:57 AM - last edited on 03-17-2023 03:31 PM by Natalie-RO
I am a single parent and suspect my 17 year old daughter has BPD, her behaviour is so up and down, she is unable to regulate her emotions, quite often she's like a jekel & hyde, very flight or fight mode, in/out of intimate relationships, very very angry, disruptive, argumentative and I feel i'm ticking all the boxes with the traits of BPD.
Just over 3 years ago I was unable to continue putting up with her behaviour, her threats to self harm or end her life so I needed some space as my own MH was starting to decline, so I asked her dad if she could stay with him for a while to give me some breathing space. She was in his care for 4 months, I feel this time of being apart from me has caused 'abandonment issues' she and her father then to CAMHS for an appt and it was both their opportunity to inform staff that I abuse her when I don't that i neglect her and emotionally harm her. As a qualified social worker of 17 years it tore my whole world apart, I couldn't believe she was telling practitioners that I don't love her, care for her, don't do this or that for her, when i'm the only one consistent person in her whole life who does absolutely everything for her. No one seems to have a handle on her condition and believe the fabricated lies about me, its resulted in me loosing 3 homes and 10+ jobs, she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, I can't even be ill as this appears to be taking the attention from her. She has no to little empathy and if i'm ill she rarely shows any warmth or acknowledgement, all of this has now taken its toll on my own health and i'm now being investigated for a possible heart condition but I have NEVER abused anyone, I love her, and whilst its been extremely difficult to throw my arms around her and comfort her when i'm called a this and a that and its really cut throat how she speaks to me, i'm the only one person who remains there for her.
I've been under investigation for 3+ years and I honestly don't know how much longer I can remain strong for the both of us when I know deep down its her condition not me.
Her behaviour is so up and down, we have a few good days but the rest of the time is lots of door slamming, abusive words, I seem to be her emotional punchbag and I honestly don't know how much more I can put up with. I know her triggers, her father hasn't got a clue he feels its attention seeking behaviour, but to date and has been self harming since 2018, I know she has been through a lot of trauma in her short life and 2 years after the event she disclosed to me that an old boyfriend sexually assaulted her whilst I was at work. She has also been involved in a car crash where a boyfriend died, she claims to have had a possible miscarriage, she smokes weed which I don't feel helps her moods, but i'm the one under the spotlight and being accused of abusing her, when all i've done is do my best and provide for her and do my best as a single parent with no support from anyone.
03-17-2023 03:35 PM
Welcome to the Online Community.
Thank you for being so honest and for sharing this with us, it sounds like you have been going through a very difficult and challenging time and we are really glad that you have found our forums.
I can hear how concerned you are for your daughter, and how difficult the past few years have been for you. It sounds like you have been trying really hard to support your daughter, even with everything else that has been going on for you personally and it is very understandable that you are feeling this way.
I know you mentioned that a lot has happened to you over the past 3 years and I can only imagine how difficult this must have been for you to manage and deal with, along with everything else. I’m mindful of the impact this must be having on you and was wondering if you have, or would consider speaking to a GP or mental health professional for some support?
I was also wondering if your daughter had access to or was receiving any professional support? If you have any concerns about your daughters’ risk and safety, I really encourage you to contact an urgent helpline as they can provide you with some guidance and support.
I know that you mentioned that your daughter has a history of trauma including self-harm and suicidality. I can only imagine how hard this must have been for you and how concerned you must be. I was wondering whether you have ever created a safety plan with her, or if this is something that you would consider? We have an article about how to create one here.
I also wanted to let you know that we have sent you an email to check in, can you please keep an eye out for that?
Thank you again for sharing this with us, it takes a lot of courage and bravery to do so. We want to remind you that we are all here to listen and support you and that you aren’t alone.