Teen and partner issues

[DMQ71]

I got a call from the school of my teen 14/15 F and they said she had been in to see them saying she’s distressed at home and that she is walking on eggshells around my partner, that he yells at her etc. Things were pretty good on a whole until on holiday miss teen was left to explore the hotel with her sibling for an hr and was found on our return still on the bed in hotel on iPad sending messages to BF. So internet was stopped on holiday and the angriness started her and my partner ignored each other making it hard for me to connect with either of them. It continues when home and last day of holidays hours were spent on Snapchat. So, restrictive measures where put in place, 2 hrs on ph and 1 hr on iPad per day with cut off times at bedtimes. This has spiraled miss teen into a surly person who won’t talk. I’ve trued to encourage partner and her to meet half way. My partner is very rigid in his thinking... anyway back to the call from school. We’re concerned at where that may go now, I’ve talked to her about the big picture here. I’ve also told her that her contributions in the relationship and family determine the outcome. My partner has decided to switch off very angry and hurt she’s complaining to people outside of home about her welfare. I’m at a loss of what to do.

[Taylor-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @DMQ71, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing all of that with us here. It sounds like a really complex issue within your family that is causing a lot of conflict and stress. It is difficult to determine what might happen with the school as it depends on a wide range of factors and no two situations are alike. Did this issue between your partner and daughter start whilst on the holiday? Being a teenager can be a challenging time to navigate for any young person and so it is important to validate, understand and acknowledge their experience and feelings. Feelings and emotions are not necessarily factual, although it is still important for them to feel supported and heard. For these reasons, it is really amazing for teens to seek support as it is often difficult to share and open up about their issues. Is this ongoing support that your daughter is receiving?  

Any relationship is a two way street and can experience a number of road blocks. As you mentioned, meeting in the middle may help ease the tension on either side. It can really difficult when you are close to the situation yourself and so it might be beneficial to consider family counselling. Do you think this might be an option for your family? We also recommend Parent Line as a great resource for yourself and your partner. They are able to provide resources, referrals and support through challenging issues such as these. It must also be a really tough situation for you to be in as it seems as though you may be stuck in the middle. This can make things quite complicated and tiring! We have a wonderful community of other parents here, who I am sure will comment with their insight and support soon

[Taylor-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @DMQ71, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing all of that with us here. It sounds like a really complex issue within your family that is causing a lot of conflict and stress. It is difficult to determine what might happen with the school as it depends on a wide range of factors and no two situations are alike. Did this issue between your partner and daughter start whilst on the holiday? Being a teenager can be a challenging time to navigate for any young person and so it is important to validate, understand and acknowledge their experience and feelings. Feelings and emotions are not necessarily factual, although it is still important for them to feel supported and heard. For these reasons, it is really amazing for teens to seek support as it is often difficult to share and open up about their issues. Is this ongoing support that your daughter is receiving?  

Any relationship is a two way street and can experience a number of road blocks. As you mentioned, meeting in the middle may help ease the tension on either side. It can really difficult when you are close to the situation yourself and so it might be beneficial to consider family counselling. Do you think this might be an option for your family? We also recommend Parent Line as a great resource for yourself and your partner. They are able to provide resources, referrals and support through challenging issues such as these. It must also be a really tough situation for you to be in as it seems as though you may be stuck in the middle. This can make things quite complicated and tiring! We have a wonderful community of other parents here, who I am sure will comment with their insight and support soon

[Bre-RO]

Hey @DMQ71 

Hope you and your family are doing okay I just thought I'd check in to see how everything is going with the situation you were in last week? 

Hope to hear back from you soon  

[DMQ71]

Things have become far worse and I really am at a loss of what to do presently!

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @DMQ71, I noticed you have made a new thread. Have things gotten worse in terms of screen time (your new thread) or is something else happening for you? Please feel free to share - we are here to listen