Hey @Cocochque this is such a horrible situation, but it is truly so lovely to read about how much you love your daughter and care for her happiness - it is so tough when bad things happen to the ones we love
It must be so confusing for both her and you not having a lot of clarity about what is going for him. It's also understandable that she might be a bit distracted, could it be helpful to have a conversation with her about focus and concentration? Perhaps you could look at some mindfulness apps (like this one) together.
You're absolutely right that it is a big thing to deal with - and the pandemic is amplifying how tough things are. Is there maybe something nice that the two of you could do together? Maybe something to distract her a bit and make her feel good - ideally it would make you feel good too! Your wellbeing is important as well. Maybe something like a long walk together or doing a face mask? Your daughter is lucky she has you looking out for her
Thanks for getting back to us @Cocochque, thats great to hear her practice exams are going well, I'm sure the support you've been giving her has helped her a lot with maintaining some level of normal.
That is so lovely that you two are so close, I can imagine that it must be hard that she wants to be alone a lot. I feel like her opening up a little more gradually is promising, do you think so too?
In terms of them maintaining a friendship, it's really hard to say for sure whether it's healthy for her healing. The fact she has other friends is great, so she's not entirely relying on just him for friendship. Have you spoken to her about how her current friendship with him makes her feel? That might give a bit of an indication of how healthy it is. If she's leaving conversations with him feeling upset and missing him it could be good to have a break, but if she feels supported by his friendship it might be a really healthy relationship that is good for her. Do you think that could a be conversation worth having with her?
It could also be an idea to talk to her about how you're feeling. You could maybe tell her that you want to make sure she has a good holiday break and ask her if there is anything you can do to help.
It sounds like you two have a lovely, open relationship
So sorry you've ended up in lock down in Melbourne again. We ended up sending a care package down to our nephews family as we really felt for them going through it again. So, here I am sending you a virtual care package instead. I am mum to a 16 year old boy and a 14 year old girl and we live in NSW. Our 16 has his first girlfriend and is in Year 11 and so far so good. Our 14 year old has her eye on someone and something's starting up there. However, I also remember being dumped in year 11 and getting very derailed myself and just being completely heartbroken. Your daughter is sounding like she's ahead of where I was and I compounded things by going out with someone else and when that broke up a few months later, being even worse off. Your daughter sounds sensible and that goes a very long way. Most teens are going to be going through the dating rollercoaster as well as being very derailed by covid, especially in Victoria. So, in terms of her academic progression, since she's staying close to being on track, she's at least keeping up with or ahead of the pack. However, the mental health impact of covid is huge and I've also experienced what I call a cognitive overload from having to think about so many things. I'm immunosuppressed and in a semi lock down myself and everything is complicated and in ways that aren't being publically acknowledged either. So, I'd tend to say many of us, maybe even most of us, are not okay. When you add being in lock down and being away from your friends and the break up, that's tough. However, it's not insurmountable.
It might be that after lock down and a bit of sorting out his stuff, the relationship will get back on track. He might just be a valued friend and that's important too. Encouraging her to build up some close female friends, especially ones who don't have the same taste in guys and are into their study, would be great. My son belongs to Venturers and their leader gave each member a little animal pot with grass seeds and they had a competition to see whose grew the longest and they'd bring them along each week and it was a great connecting point. That group really got our son through. Just as school was going back here, he had a really rough time. Said his mind wouldn't stop whirling round and he brought up issues from years ago which had been on his mind, like the death of the family dog three years ago. We pointed out to him that lie in lock down was the reverse of every recommendation for good mental health. He wasn't going out for a walk and was gaming a lot. Still is. I think it might've been the girlfriend who was counting her steps because he suddenly bought a fitbit and started walking 10,000, 20,000 steps a day and he was so much better for it. He's pulled back on that now. Couldn't last at that intensity but it did get him out of that funk.
I hope that helps.