Teen stayed out past curfew to smoke weed?
05-30-2017 03:44 PM
My 16 year-old daughter has been staying out past curfew to smoke weed with a 21 year-old boyfriend she didn't tell me about and her best friend and then lied to me about where she was. I also found out that she tried LSD after finding out about my affair. She made a list about the pros and cons of smoking weed and insists she uses it to relieve her anxiety/depression and did research about the strains she smoked before she smoked them. She also told us that the reason she stayed out past curfew was to completely sober up before she drove home. She is overtly against hard drugs and alcohol, and we know she hasn't used them.
My husband and I took her phone, deleted everything from it, used a new password so she couldn't use it, but we can use it as a tracker. We took her car and threatened to sell it. She is locked out of her room, isn't allowed to sleep in it, and we searched it. We also threatened to move her into a room closer to us. We took her laptop and she isn't allowed out of the house and only has private time in the bathroom. She isn't allowed to talk to any friends or her boyfriend.
Let me know what you think.
Re: Teen stayed out past curfew to smoke weed?
05-30-2017 04:20 PM
Hi @mamimu Welcome to Reach Out. It's so great to have you here.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. Sounds like a tricky situation.
It seems to me like it might be helpful to separate out the different things going on in your daughter's life. There's the cannabis use, the LSD use, the lying about where she was and the 21-year-old boyfriend.
For me, I know that when I put all the things together I usually end up feeling like I need to apply a really big consequence because it feels like she's going off the tracks and if I don't stop her immediately she'll be lost forever. But then if I look at the issues separately I can work out exactly what I think about each issue and deal with it appropriately.
But it all depends on how she's coping with the consequences you've applied. Is she ok with it? Is she adhering to the restrictions or is she being defiant and creating more and more things that then need another consequence?
When I've worked with parents in the past, especially around imp[lementing consequences and boundaries, the aim is to avoid a scenario where the teenager just keeps getting themselves in trouble over and over until ultimately they're grounded for the rest of their life!