Teen using cannabis

[Froggirl]

I have a 16 year old son and have just found a bong in his bag after a stay over at a friends place a few nights back and also a quantity of cannabis hidden in his room, which I purposely looked for after finding the bong.  I have not spoke to him about it yet and he has no idea that I know.  I am at a loss where to start. He is quite introverted except when with friends. I don't know why he uses and neither parent uses. 

I am heartbroken and can't stop crying when I think about it.  I know it's not the end of the world but I honestly don't know what to do - I have not told my partner yet or anyone else. We have had no other 'issues' until this and I feel lost and don't want to lose my child.

I don't know whether to first contact the mother of the sleep over child just as an FYI so she is also aware of what is happening or to confront my child about it. I believe he will deny it, like most teens would, and don't want to push him away for fear he will take off like so many others do.  I am really struggling with this and would appreciate any help.

[Claire-RO]

Hi @Froggirl 

I can hear how much you feel conflicted right now, and that finding the bong and drugs has been really distressing for you. Coming here to seek support shows how much you want to support your son. I am sure there will be a number of parents on here that have been through something similar. You are being so thoughtful in how you approach the topic especially when it comes to trust with your son, we have some resources here about talking to your teen about drugs. We also recently had a Facebook Live Event where we had an expert talk through discussing drugs and alcohol with your teen 

[inteenhell]

Hi froggirl,

I awoke 2 weeks ago to a video sent to me on snapchat by my 14 yr old son of him smoking bongs.. Clearly I wasn't the intended viewer!! I cried for about 24 hours, I told him I was heartbroken, felt sick and was beyond disappointed! He was mortified and begged me to forget I even saw it, said it was a 'sometimes thing' and he hadn't done it often. I didn't believe much of that.

I also didn't know whether to contact the parent of the house he was staying at, and in the end, I didn't.

He's been banned from going to said mates house again. I didn't bother grounding him this time. It doesn't seem to do achieve anything. I think my utter disappointment was punishment in itself. He now knows he's lost my trust and he's on a short leash for a while..

Trouble is, he is hanging around with the wrong crowd and I knew some of them smoked dope. He always convinced me he didn't/wouldn't. I was stupid to believe that one. I knew this happen eventually. I don't know where I go from here.

I see your post is 3 weeks old. Have you talked with him about it yet? How did it go?

[Janine-RO]

Hi @inteenhell , 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through similar things with your son, hopefully you and @Froggirl  find this a useful place to find support. I hear your love and concern for your son, 14 is a really tricky age in terms of kids experimenting with drugs and pushing boundaries.  You say that your disappointment had a really strong impact on him, it sounds like he does care a lot about how you feel about things, and hopefully having that relationship with you will be a really positive, protective factor for him. 

It can be really hard to have conversations with kids about drugs and risk-taking, there's some resources here that you may find helpful in navigating this with your son.