05-25-2019 06:11 PM - last edited on 07-22-2020 12:43 PM by Janine-RO
Hi, I am at a loss on what to do and how to help my daughter, she has social anxiety and depression and has been out of school for 12 months, at her request we enrolled her into distance education and I was hopeful and positive that this would be a turn around for her. She is highly intelligent but since starting distance ed she has barely done anything, she has weeks of engaging with family and school work and then nothing. She is abusive and defiant and disrespectful, she refuses to do chores or school work, then we have weeks where she is "back" to her normal self, funny, into school work, polite, does chores when asked and looks after herself such as showering etc. However this pattern has gone on for to long, we have been to headspace then was sent to children and young peoples mental health as she was considered to severe for headspace, she saw a counsellor for 12 weeks and we did have some improvement however counsellor decided to do the tough love approach and she refused to go back. Its been up and down since then, good weeks and bad weeks, but this week I have not seen her except for me sneaking into her room to see if she is breathing for 6 days, I have woken her to be told to f.... off finally after 5 days she came out of her room and did engage for about 2 hours then left and back to her room. She stays up all night, god knows what she eats, she does not have an eating disorder however I assume she is eating crap, she told me last night to stop worrying about her life and to get on with mine as her life was over and not worth worrying about. I need help and I need how to help my daughter, its breaking my heart and I feel desperate and at a loss on how to help her, I have tried everything but it all seems to be a dead end, we cant afford a private psychologist but headspace etc is not helping, I just need advice on what to do
05-26-2019 04:43 PM - last edited on 05-26-2019 09:31 PM by TOM-RO
Your trying times with your daughter is a mirror of what our family is going through too. I can say that through medicare/mental health plan you can get 10 psycogical visits a year for her, plus 10 each for yourself and your partner too. The aim being group therapy, which goes on one of your plan-count. Its tough times, reachout out has lots of advice,and great councelling. I am working on rebuilding our relationship by listening and acknowlegeing her feelings and trying to entice her out of the room for some one on one time with us, as she is practically 24/7 online or sleeping whereabouts unknown. Even taking the dog for a walk is too hard for us. I find texting her works if there is aggression/tension eg text tea is on the table its......(favourite). Stops the ear-bleeding reply. Leaving uneaten dinners right at the front of the fridge seem to get heated up and eaten in the middle of the night. Last Saturday she talked to us for 1/2 hour and listened to me for about 10 mins (the speaker held a soft toy. No one else could speak until they were passed the teddy ) Learnt this tool from a group session we had. There were slip ups with butting in, but no explosions.Going to school is a big issue for us, and the anxiety is there from being behind, not achieving in yr 10 is overwhelming her. The school is really obliging with extending deadlines etc but now are starting to get tough on J meeting deadlines and actually doing the work. Preparing for the next day is key so I keep reminding J about eat well, sleep well, exercise and spending more time with the good crowd/ and less with the wrong crowd. This will also help her to beat depression, anxiety and stress. She has gravitated to another peer group with similar issues and blocks/runs away with them instead of working on helping herself to good mental health and happiness. Her girlfriend encourages her to self harm. Every day is a new day. I remind myself every night of three good things that have happened (help me sleep......) and we do have some steps forward. Look after yourselves and your mental health too, keep humor and tight with your partner. I will be watching your forum page for advice too, best wishes. X
05-26-2019 10:24 PM - edited 05-26-2019 10:24 PM
Thanks for posting on the forums. It takes a lot of courage to share your story. I'm sure @Angelmum also found your response helpful. Sounds like you are having a tough time with your daughter. Sorry to hear! I'm glad to hear that you're seeking the right support though.
Also I edited some of your post because it mentioned a method of self-harm which is against our guidelines. I'm guessing you weren't aware of them. Have a read here when you can.
Hopefully things get better for you soon. We're glad to hear you've found ReachOut helpful.
05-31-2019 05:00 PM
Thank you, its nice to know I'm not alone, I think I posted this in the wrong section lol, your daughter is just like mine, I feel so powerless to help her, she has come a long way from 12 months ago but I just want my happy little girl back, it breaks my heart. I hope your daughter finds her peace as i do mine. Thank you again for replying xxxx
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