04-02-2019 10:14 PM - last edited on 11-15-2019 12:23 PM by Claire-RO
I found some marijuana and a bong in my 17 year old daughters room today, I knew she was smoking even though she has constantly lied about it. The thing that made me angry was we had recently talked about how I feel about drugs in the house and she sat there looked me in the eye while her dope stash was sitting in the cupboard and promised she wouldn’t bring it into the house.
I have another child and one on the way and I already lived a childhood filled with drugs, violence and police raids. All of this I have talked to her about extensively as I feel very strongly about it.
Well since confronting her about what I found she has refused to acknowledge any responsibility or wrong doings on her part and refused to come home, she is acting like a 5 year old, and now she is saying she never wants to live here anymore and she has hated it here for years.
I am emotionally drained by the last 5-7 years of emotional blackmail, lies and constant battle with her “mental health” last year she disclosed to a school Counsellor she was abused by a cousin, when I tried to talk about it she refused, she didn’t want help or to go to the police. She has since asked to spend time with the person she accused wants to be friends and hang out, they are only 2 years age different. I never called her a liar about this but I feel like she lied to get out of school, she even said that the Counsellor forced her to admit to something so she could go home. I was taking her to counseling and even a psychiatrist but and I know this sounds aweful but I now feel like she is faking mental health to get her own way and manipulate me. She has threatened suicide on many occasions when she hasn’t gotten her own way, constantly lies about why she doesn’t want to go to school (blames it on mental health when I know it is because her friend won’t be at school or she has a class she doesn’t like).
I feel like I have totally failed as a parent, I just want her out of my house which makes me feel worse.
04-05-2019 10:19 AM
That is such a hard situation you are in right now- I can imagine it is taking an emotional toll I can hear from your post that you have been doing everything you can to support your daughter, and help her access mental health support when she needed it. She is very lucky to have a parent who cares as much about her wellbeing as you do- we can see just how much you want to help her get through this and take some safe and positive steps forward in her life.
You mentioned that your daughter has seen counsellors and psychiatrists before, what is their take on her wellbeing? Have you had the opportunity to speak to them about your concerns and what is happening at home and school?
Finding out that your daughter is using drugs must be really challenging, particularly when you have been very clear about the expectations in your home. Is she still living at home at the moment? I would encourage you to have a look at some of the posts in the community from @Mumofboys_23here, @blondemum here and @Dad4good here who have all spoken about teens and marijuana use- you are certainly not alone
We would love to hear back from you and see how these last few days have been for you
04-05-2019 08:52 PM
04-05-2019 10:29 PM
04-06-2019 11:10 AM
04-07-2019 09:15 PM - last edited on 04-07-2019 09:43 PM by Taylor-RO
I found similarities between my son & your daughter. Similarities, has used how he's feeling to not attend certain classes (mainly because he doesn't like the teacher). I recently found a bong in his room & threw it out. Have spoken to him honestly about the dangers of drugs & mental illness (we have a family member with drug induced mental illness). One difference is I know my son is depressed, he is on medication, had his first session at headspace last week. He's also started self-harming. He says he feels numb. He lied to me about being at the movies tonight. I was about to go and pick him up & saw him stumbling up the street. He'd been drinking. I could smell it on him. I just had a sip was his reply. His white shirt was dirty. I told him to stop lying and to go to bed.
I think being honest with your teen is important and that's what you are doing. She knows how you feel and what you're thinking. If you didn't care you wouldn't bother.
I don't know if this is a stage some teens go through and as parents we have to ride it out ???
It is scary & hard work.
Please don't feel like you're the only one going through this emotional roller coaster.
I wish I could offer more advice & support & not just that my son is going through similar stuff.
Sending you strength.
Keep up the good parenting.
04-07-2019 09:46 PM - edited 04-07-2019 10:10 PM
Hey @Nikkita, that sounds pretty rough. It must be difficult to manage all of these things that are going on for you with your son. It is great that your son has had some support at Headspace.. is there any support you receive for yourself? I imagine all of this must take a toll on you. As you said, an emotional roller coaster.. that must get tiring after a short while! It sounds difficult to know how to handle all of these situations and I can tell that you are trying your best. I also edited out the method of self-harm in your post, as this could trigger other users.
Thanks for your support and sharing that with us
04-07-2019 10:02 PM
04-07-2019 10:08 PM