04-08-2019 12:42 AM
04-08-2019 09:35 AM
04-08-2019 02:40 PM
04-09-2019 08:30 PM
04-11-2019 06:26 PM
@saphyra Hi! This is a very difficult situation, I truly sympathize with you. My friend had a similar situation with her son. She managed to find a good psychotherapist who helped her son. It turned out that he had problems with drugs because of peer pressure at his school. There are many reasons why teens start taking drugs, you can read about them here https://addictionresource.com/teenage-drug-abuse/. It usually happens because they are quite vulnerable when facing social difficulties. Hope you will find a reason which caused drug abuse and solve the initial problem which is rooted in this addiction.
04-13-2019 04:48 AM
04-13-2019 06:11 AM
Hey @amour81 ,
Sounds like your having a tough time with your son's behaviour, but even more with the fact that he broke your trust. In terms of the behaviour, its very common for kids to experiment with marijuana (and other things like cigarettes, alcohol) when they meet a new cohort of peer influencing teens!
I understand that knowing something is common doesn't always put you at ease through, but its good to know that the experimentation very rarely goes beyond that, and with your sons history I doubt you have anything to worry about (still, knowing probably doesn't make you feel any better!).
In terms of the trust, well, that one's harder to shake off. And it might take some effort on his part to earn that back. This topic is also a really personal one with parents taking very different views. My suggestion would be to start afresh and say how hurt you were by the deception and that all you want is for him to be happy and healthy. Then engage in a conversation about how he is coping with everything. I imagine it would be a really tough time for him having to deal with changes and peer influences (and the "poor decisions" are a symptom of that). Also, maybe (if there is a problem with his current school) you could look into other schools in your area.
Just keep talking and communicating, you both sound like you want the best for each other and I'm sure you'll get there!
Thanks for sharing your concerns, and best of luck!
04-13-2019 07:03 AM
I usually see long discussions and skip over them (I'm a little lazy in that sense!), but the opening post and following posts were really insightful. So thanks to both of you for sharing!
Sorry, I forgot who wrote the initial post, but the thing that struck me was your last sentence about wanting your young person to move out. Obviously this comes after a marathon of challenges and a loss of control over a long period of time, but its a feeling that I can also identify with, and yah, it doesn't feel good as a parent to admit that!
The deception, abuse, taking for granted, and general disrespect is something that you are facing and living with on a daily basis. Coupled with the fact that this is coming from the person who you love more than anything in the world, and that's a tough gig!
I guess, I just want to let you know that its ok to feel like you have had enough and that you need space. Its ok to feel that your tired of being pushed around and walked over, after all, that is your reality, that's whats going on for you.
More likely than not, your child does love you and does want the best for you, even if s/he doesn't realise it yet! One day they will. Until then, look after yourself and don't be afraid to seek treatment for the whole family, as everyone is usually affected!
Best of luck
04-13-2019 09:44 AM
04-14-2019 06:06 AM
Hey @saphyra ,
Really good to hear that things have calmed down for you!!!
I think you nailed it when you said: When we are battling it is easy to feel ready for her to go, all the other times I just can not imagine a home without her in it.
It sounds like it will be tough for you when she moves out. You have lived together for 18 years, and even though you are not "separating" the day-to-day contact will reduce. Its a big step!
I wonder how your daughter will find the experience? She has an even bigger change, with all of the things associated with becoming independent!
Anyway, good luck