06-22-2021 04:43 PM
06-22-2021 07:36 PM
a week ago
@Trackle I’m so sorry to hear how hard things are for you. I can hear the grief when you say that this isn’t what you imagined your life to be. You have done an incredible thing in trying to keep your sister’s children together, but it’s also an incredibly difficult thing and your feelings and wellbeing matter.
I know it’s a cliché, but it’s so true that we can’t help other people put their gas masks on unless we have ours on first. You are the centre of your family and you need to be okay in order for everyone else to be okay.
You’ve been caring for everyone else for four years and that takes so much strength, but it’s okay to say it’s hard and I’m so glad you reached out here for support. This is a safe place for you to share your feelings whenever you need to.
Do you have much support from friends, family or professionals for yourself or with the children?
I know you said that your sister’s children are adopted now, and I’m not sure what that means where you are from, but are you able to access anything like post-adoption support services that might be able to help?
As a parent to teens and a carer myself, I know what you mean about these being typical behaviours for teenagers to a certain extent. As Wellif so insightfully said, communication between parents and teens is often hard. In case it’s helpful, here is a link to some information about communicating with teens on our website.
At the same time, your nieces and nephews have been through trauma, loss and abandonment, so they will have additional challenges to face that mean navigating life is harder for them, and therefore it’s harder for you too as their adoptive mum.
Please don’t feel there is anything wrong with you for feeling this way.
It sounds like you might be suffering from compassion fatigue due to caring for so many people, and perhaps not receiving enough care yourself. Is there any way you might be able to take a break somehow? For example, could you carve out a set time in your week that belongs only to you so that you can do something you love that nurtures you?
One thing that some parents caring for children with disrupted attachment and development trauma find helpful is therapeutic parenting. I’m not sure if it interests you, but if it does, this website has some introductory information about therapeutic parenting in case it’s helpful.
I’m not sure if these thoughts are helpful but I just wanted to say we care and we’re here for you - please feel free to post here any time.
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