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Think my 13yo son is a bully?

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missrr

Think my 13yo son is a bully?

Hello, first time poster here. I am concerned my 13yo son is being a bully at school. I recently received a call from his Dep Principal who raised concerns after my son allegedly threw another students bag, smashing his mobile phone. Other incidents include back chatting teachers, trying to assert his authority, 'poking' other students with pens, making racial slurs and being disrespectful and not finishing his work in class. He is now on a suspension warning. When asked about the incidents my son denied he threw the bag , said the slurs ''were funny, even she (targeted student) laughed'' and that ''other kids poke him too, so he pokes back''. Its hard to know who / what to believe.

 

I also have an 11yo daughter and my son has always made nasty comments to her and they have never really been close growing up.  He can be quite rude and hurtful in his comments to her, often making her cry.

 

Their father and I have been divorced for 10 years. Our daughter refuses to see or spend time with her father and this also creates friction between both my son and daughter. My son gets what he wants off my ex husband, but our daughter is ignored and gets nothing. My son rubs this in her face whenever he gets the chance and is very sneaky when he says hurtful things, making sure I'm not in earshot. 

 

This behavior has never been tolerated at home and there are consequences for his actions - losing phone / Xbox /grounding, but this only seems to fuel his anger or resentment for his sister. His father and I have very different parenting ideas and he blames me for the children's behavior.

I am at my wits end and do not know the best way to handle the latest school issues. Anyone got any tips on what to do if their child is the bully and what consequences there should be? I don't want to drive him away, I want him to understand the pain he causes others and to learn to make better choices.

Thanks. 

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