06-14-2017 09:53 AM
Remember those days when we were younger?
We had our great grandparents, grandparents, parents aunties and uncles sitting around the kitchen table with cups of tea - convicts mine were!
They all lived in the same house, next door, next street .. We had 4 generations in our house when I came along, it was off you go but I was far more interested in the latest "Can you believe so and so .. what were they thinking, the shame on our family, so and so is pregnant (catholics it happened wkly) don't you know this is how you treat that behaviour.. and then the change after deaths - oh well good innings, crying, got on with it. As I got older and understood we younger generation would then share the adult snippets and share with whoever else listened.. sharing amongst the village.
Adults came out to play, others food, to watch and laugh at the antics we produced and passed it on over a roast dinner how much fun the kids had, bones broken and taken to the ambulance tobe fixed- hospital was only for major issues. Measles, Mumps, dark curtains ice cream and jelly .. and no school. Colds/flu - lemon and honey no GP .. I remember my mum wrapping my head in a kitchen towel as it would stop the bleeding and I could continue swinging on the backyard line..
As the generations ended so did our support systems we relied on others.
Life was changing, families moved apart, letters became our lifeline, lollies were no longer 15 for 1 cent, fresh fish stopped coming out of the hessian bags, tractors no longer driving down the beach to help get the tinnies in.. The trams of the cities and the paper boys on the corner screaming the afternoon news with all their papers in tow.
As I look back it was difficult for that time just as it is now, money was scarce sometimes food consisted of dripping and leftover bread with mold. People didn't get sick they died of old age, the geriatrics would run naked out of the hospitals with the police and nurses chasing them on foot, Anzac day soldiers always fainted in the church.. but then we had easter and midnight mass and the eggs and bacon in the middle of the night. We felt so lucky and a present generally socks and a lolly was a great gift. Home made crickets bats were a dream.
Today we all feel so judged from birth to death. We wonder if we are good enough, for our families, ourselves, education, jobs, life.
The difference and really there isn't a lot - we have no money we spend before we get it, we have media for our village and did I mention we have media.. judgemental, reinforcing how bad and unacceptable we are.. we need to have what Jack and Jill have otherwise nobody will love or care about us.. we just don't accept help because we don't know how to. We say sorry when we aren't at fault, we apologise for our kids, our kids are missing out on the very thing we had as children - nothing and yet we had the ..
and everything they don't have emotionally.
This topic obviously is close to me, a lot of my parenting is old fashioned, very old fashioned. I cringe when my teens in front of their friends in the school grounds come running up to me kisses and cuddles telling me how much they love me.. I find it embarrassing (I'm hard wired) teens don't do that..
When they started school I kept the tears to myself because it wasn't acceptable. I yearned for the village - it ran to work. These days my chooks allow me into the outer world - eggs for a cuppa in exchange, eggs for community in exchange for company and leftovers for the animals, my mental health is not great because I don't have my village.
I've raved but like everyone I don't have answers, I rely on other parents who have the same issues but we feel so afraid to ask in case we get called stupid.
How about you guys?
06-14-2017 01:18 PM
I hear you @Lily17, communities have changed so much... Thanks for such a thoughtful post... What do other people think?
06-14-2017 03:13 PM
@Lily17 this so resonated with me.
My grandmother lived with us growing up, and her 'ways' were imprinted on me from a young age. My children quite often ask 'why' do I do something that way, and the only explanation is because that is 'how' you do it. It was how I was shown/told/experienced it growing up.
While my own children haven't experienced this, I still make sure they are taught our families ways.
Thanks for this great post !