10-20-2018 12:25 AM - edited 10-20-2018 12:42 AM
10-20-2018 10:03 AM - edited 10-20-2018 10:03 AM
Hi @Lena0604 this sounds like a tricky situation to work through with your son, as you only want the best for him but it sounds like school and socialising aren't his thing at the moment. Does he have any particular interests or strengths that you could encourage? For example, he' mentioned "making big money", but does he have a plan or area he wants to focus in?
Perhaps you could try to nurture that and at the same time encourage him to chat to a counsellor or even a vocational counsellor, who could help him work through his next steps school and work wise? (that way you're a bit removed from it and he can get independent advice?
10-25-2018 12:36 PM
Hi @Lena0604 I came to this forum to talk about my issue but seeing your post reminded me of how it all started for my boys.It was similar to what you described. I have 2 sons two years apart. When the oldest was 15 he started to talk about how he wasn't interested in school or having a good job when he was older. He started to hang with kids who drank alcohol, and used marijuana.It was very painful for me because I left their father for substance abuse when he was only 5 and had to live with the guilt of depriving them of dad all these years only to find him going down the same path. His younger brother followed suit 2 years later. They both performed terribly in Year 12 (the 2nd one is taking exams next week and has only been chilling with his friends). With bad high school results I paid for a diploma -which he scraped through with great difficulty after having to re-do several assessments. So what's next? Even in his job search he's shown very little diligence and initiative. He's been home six months playing video games online instead of going out to volunteer and gain experience.
2 days ago I found marijuana residue wrapped in paper in the bin. He also looked high yesterday and the day before. I've seen this in his younger brother too. Whenever they've used they look high and raid the kitchen for anything to eat right after.
I had a meltdown the day I found the weed and told him I'd had enough he was going to live with his dad at the end of next month and try to get money out of him the way he has me because I'm done funding this lazy slackers lifestyle. Yes I actually told him to move out and have stopped speaking to him. I also told my second son he had 2 years left to pull his finger out or the same fate awaits him. Both of them hate that idea because their dad has been broke and unemployed most of their life. He is also unreliable, totally full of crap and has a bad temper.
I know all this sounds like I'm some iron-fisted mom but I'm at the point I don't care anymore. I feel used by them- that they flushed every opportunity I single-handedly worked to give them, away. I read an article about how teenagers pre-frontal cortex is not fully developed and as a result they make poor choices (with their amygdala instead which is driven by immediate desires and no foresight) I feel bad that their 'disability' is causing these outcomes for them but I really really am fed- up with bearing this disproportionate burden. I know it will mean they will forever regard me as the mom who ruthlessly threw them out and I have to decide if I want to live with that label (as I do with their dad). I had initially told them they should move out at 18 but have pushed it to 20.
So if anyone has a different way of looking at this- which I may not be seeing please let me know.