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sweetcheeks_deb

What to do?

Our 16yr old daughter gets up ready for school, catches the bus and doesn’t go. She’s been doing this on and off since last year. The school have tried to help, we have helped ( counsellor, medication change and check, speaking to her etc). She is smoking pot and sometimes doesn’t come home on the weekends. No contact until she wants to be picked up. We have stopped picking her up, making her walk and told her if she doesn’t come home she is choosing not to live here anymore. Also after school hours she wasn’t coming home to late so we said if she’s not home before dark, the door is locked and she won’t be allowed in. She spent last night on our verandah ( with a blanket). I finally let her in at 3.15am. We have tried he kind, be empathetic, talking to her, listening to her etc… she felt her counsellor wasn’t working, so we found a new one ASAP. She promised she would go to school and classes today after spending 8hrs out in tue cold last night but she’s wagged school again. ( we can check on the school portal). Her behaviour is causing our entire family to be unhappy. Hubby and I short with one another , her twin brother gets angry over it, grandparents having their say and we end up in a bit of an argument. I spoke with the police and they said they would come talk to her but they never did and I don’t want to bother them. She does have anxiety and depression but doesn’t want to help herself in anyway. Our family is going to fall apart if this continues on for years to come! Hubby and I are over her behaviour. We understand she has mental health issues however if she won’t help herself or let us help her ( she didn’t show up for appts with the new counsellor after a few sessions - she came to our home and took her out and my daughter really liked her) what do we do? I don’t want her out on the streets everyday and worried her pot use will turn into harder drugs. I’m so against drugs due to having a sister who had drugs issues and ultimately her life ended because of the drug use. This is breaking my heart . We are trying tough love now- are we making it worse? She tries to manipulate us with emotional stuff. I’ve caught we he with her hands in my purse. She can’t be trusted so now doesn’t have keys to the house. This is a girl who was so sweet, kind, caring, funny, friendly. Who asked for extra homework in holidays during primary school. She doesn’t yell or scream at us at home. If asked to do something she does. She’s a home Angel, street devil! We are lost! We are over the tension and to be honest, I’m sick of feeling constantly anxious and sick to my stomach every single day because of her actions! I need MY life back. Not fearing everyday I’m going to have a heart attack or stroke due to tue stress of it all.
Thanks - sorry for being all over the place..

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Iona-RO

Re: What to do?

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Hi @sweetcheeks_deb 

 

I'm so glad you reached out for some support around this, it sounds like your family is understandably under a lot of stress at the moment. 

 

The first thing I would suggest is booking in for a free coaching session here. In this one on one session you will develop an action plan that is designed around your daughter's and family's strengths with your coach. This will help give you direction, focus and hopefully some solutions to help with the current situation.

 

I really understand how frustrating your daughter's behaviour must be, and how showing some 'tough love' is a last resort to fix the issues. Regardless of what's happening for your daughter, her safety is always the most important thing. And despite her not appearing to respect or appreciate the home you have provided, ensuring a safe place for her in the home is essential. This article around supportive parenting might be helpful to have a read through. 

 

I'm also wondering what support networks you have in place for yourself? Feeling anxious and worried all the time is bound to take it's toll and you deserve to be supported too. You've mentioned taking your daughter to a counsellor, do you have someone to talk to as well?

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