10-09-2018 09:18 PM
10-09-2018 10:08 PM
Hey @lizard0812, of course this is a very frustrating and no doubt painful situation I send a lot of love your way in dealing with this. Sounds like he's really got his shoulder turned on the family unit, and he's very intent on pushing boundaries and is probably quite unaware how much pain he is causing in the process. Can I ask to clarify, were you advised by the parents to let him cool off? Or someone else?
Please remember it's completely up to you whether or not you want to go and engage with him. He is thirteen, in Australia this would class him still as a child, but I do understand it can be difficult to balance ourselves in the middle of the seasaw and not tip too far to one side upsetting the situation further. What do you want to do right now? What's your gut saying?
10-10-2018 05:29 AM
10-10-2018 09:51 AM
I know that feeling of being emotionally exhausted, even to the point of being unable to write and say things clearly. Take care of yourself.
It sounds like there is a lot going on in his head. It's a hard time for a kid. My son used to get angry sometimes, that was his way of saying "I need help". He couldn't find the right words either. We got there in the end, with medication and therapy and a lot of support from us. It can be a shockingly difficult road, but as a parent that's our job. Once again, take care of yourself.
Cooling down is a great approach. It is so easy to make the situation worse by saying the wrong thing, especially when you are exhausted. Often I tried not to respond in the moment, but I'd come back to it the next day or so, and just let him know that that was wrong, or hurtful, or whatever. I'd also punish him if I thought he was out of line, but not severely.
I guess we should also be aware that maybe something we as parents are doing might be making the situation worse. We did a little bit of family therapy. Looking back I wished we'd done more of that.
Good luck with the appointment
10-11-2018 06:55 PM
10-25-2018 09:37 PM
10-25-2018 10:27 PM - edited 10-25-2018 10:28 PM
Heya @lizard0812, sorry to hear that things are so hard right now. Can you tell us a bit more about what is going on for you and your family right now? What support do you have through this situation right now?
10-25-2018 10:35 PM
It is so hard.
I hope you are getting the help you need. I think as parents we never get a lot of help, but I hope you are getting something.
I don't know what your boy needs, but I hope you can find the strength and help to work out what that is. I guess the medical team has looked at various possibilities. It was a shock for us to have my son checked for drugs, but it's good to rule that out. As parents sometimes we have to push the system a bit for our kids.
I do believe that kids at 13 can go through defiant, angry stages and come through them. In our case that anger was how my son told us he was in trouble, because he couldn't find the words to say it clearly. He is nearly 16 now. On Wednesday he gave me a hug and told me he loved me. Chances are your beautiful boy is still down there, underneath all that anger and aggression.
10-26-2018 03:36 AM
10-26-2018 03:50 AM