daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

[Sister]

Hi @sunflowermom, @taokat And All The Other Parents And Carers Out There,

I have been wondering how both your daughters are going? How has school been for your daughter @sunflowermom and how has TAFE been going @taokat? Its great that they are back attending and have persevered....thank goodness for their mums!

I am still working out the triggers within myself in regards to my sons' swearing and hostility. All I've ever wished is for him to be happy and have tried to help him so much. But I am learning to accept and let go a little more now as my anxieties seemed to be adding to his problems. For example, I no longer question who he has been with when he goes out (even though I am just a concerned mum and care) because he seems to react with hostility around my questioning. 

Last week when he smoked the pot and ended up in hospital with a panic attack seemed to shake him up a bit, however I am not holding my breath that he won't smoke again. He has been educated by both myself and his counsellor about the risks surrounding substance use but he is either not mature enough to understand or refuses to learn. (My son has learning difficulties but is actually really bright with a lot of stuff.....but not the dope smoking at this stage unfortunately)

 All I can hope for at this stage is a peaceful 4 days before school returns. To help with my own anxieties around my sons behaviours, I intend to just do something simple....like go for a walk on the beach or in nature. Hopefully my son can do something similar.

Hope you all have a Happy Easter. 

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Sister and @taokat

I think going for walks are a wonderful idea!  I know self care is so important.  I think your doing a great job with your son...I know not questioning them is hard.  They really expect us to interrogate them and you not asking where he is all the time- I hope he sees the trust you are giving to him.  I know it is heartbreaking when they lash out at us. It breaks me as well.  You are being so strong and loving.

The pot smoking scares me with my daughter too.  The dr has already said that it doesn't mix well with meds and can cause more manic behaviors.  My daughter knows this and is doing it less frequently but it still worries me.  Now she wants me to let her vape with non nicotine claiming it will calm her.....I have not decided yet on that one.

School has gone really well for her this week.  I keep telling her how proud I am and encouraging her.  But she is tired after school so I try to just let her be. I am  taking a get away trip this weekend just me and my husband leaving Grandma in charge of the kids. We really need this- sometimes I forget I have a husband because I am so wrapped up in my daughters life!

Happy Easter

[Sister]

Happy Easter to you too @sunflowermom,

I hope you are having a wonderful time away.

You certainly deserve it!!

Take Care.

[taokat]

Hey @Sister and @sunflowermom.

My daughter's settled back into tafe really well which is awesome. I'm really proud of her for not giving up and remaining focused on her end goal which is to become a nurse. That's great news about your daughter too @sunflowermom!

I so hope your son has learnt a lesson from his latest experience with pot @Sister. I remember when I was a teen, I either thought I was invincible, or had no regard for the consequences of my actions until my best friend died of a drug overdose, the other one I was able to revive - we were 18. My friend who died had his life support turned off after 5 days. The night he was taken to hospital, I remember the ambos were so angry with us, calling us stupid kids, which we were. We were made to go to the morgue and spoken to in detail about the other young man in ICU who lived there as a vegetable after overdosing. It's an horrific story I tell my daughter about the realities of drugs and alcohol use - it doesn't even have to be abuse. 

I'm so glad you and your husband are taking some time for yourselves this weekend @sunflowermom. It's so hard, but we really need to have time for ourselves and our other loved ones. My daughter's counsellor tells me it's good for my daughter to see that I have a life of my own and leave the house to do things I enjoy and spend time with others.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful and happy Easter!

[Sister]

Hi @taokat,

That's great news about your daughter returning to TAFE! Am sure she will make a fabulous nurse especially after all her experiences as a teenager. She can use all of this to help other people. Funnily enough, my son also wishes to do nursing. But he has a looooong way to go! Nothing is impossible (as we know) and things can change.

What an experience for you going through what you did when you were 18. Something you haven't forgotten, that's for sure. Whether my son has learnt from his panic attack instigated by the pot last week is another story. He has had other negative experiences from occasional pot smoking which scared him for a while, but then returned to smoking it. He has also confessed to me he now smokes cigarettes which I guessed due to the smell of smoke on his clothes. Such foolishness, but what can I do? He has been educated about the health risks around both.

At the moment I am struggling with all the disappointments I feel around my sons behaviours. Behaviours which I seem to have no control over. It breaks my heart.

All I can do about the situation, is to work on my own reactions to everything, try not to let it get me down too much and hope that one day he may have some insights to change and apologise for all the heartache he has triggered.

Like other parents, I just wish for my child to get an education and to be healthy and happy.  

[taokat]

Thank you @Sister, it's certainly a massive relief! Yes, it's all the fabulous nurses my daughter has dealt with over the years that have inspired her to become a nurse. I think these kids with lived experience will be amazing nurses! Good on your son! He might have a long way to go, but having a goal in mind will hopefully give him purpose and direction. You are so right  - nothing's impossible! I think our kids hold within them strengths and qualities we don't even know about. 

But they are teens...brains aren't wired so sensibly yet, peer pressure exists, and the temptations of a world they are yet fully able to understand or manage see them slip up and make what we see as illogical and often downright stupid choices! I don't see that there is much more we can do than educate them of the dangers then support them as they learn through their own mistakes and experiences. *exhausted sigh*

[sunflowermom]

Yesterday my daughter came out of therapy with an appointment for tomorrow.  She said we need to meet with therapist together.  I asked for a preview of what's going on. She said her first week of school back- which was last week she had no money to buy pot.  So she has been trading favors for favors. She clarified the meaning. I am sick, devastated and broken.  I have not told my husband.  He knows something is up but I don't know if I can tell anyone except what I have said here to you.  Today me and my daughter will talk more about it, and we have therapy tomorrow.  Last night I hugged her and spoke with her for a minute but mostly said nothing can change my love for you. This week is Spring break so she is home.  I am on my way to work now, feeling like a zombie that cant wake up from a nightmare.

[Breez-RO]

@sunflowermom this is such a confronting discovery, I am so sorry. I know you must feel sick and I can understand the predicament of not wanting to tell anyone else. On the flipside, I am blown away by the trust your Daughter has in you. The openness. This is an incredibly beautiful thing. I need to add too, unfortunately, there are many parents who wouldn't care if their child was going through this. There are still neglectful parents in the world who wouldn't even  be around to have the conversation. Sounds like you have an incredible relationship. Did you want to talk a bit about the feelings you're experiencing right now with this info? You mentioned sick. What's the biggest pain at the moment in learning this?

[taokat]

Ditto @Breez-RO.

It's so lovely that your daughter has your support no matter what @sunflowermom, and I'm sure that's why she feels safe in sharing with you. It must've knocked the wind out of you, and it might take time for you to process. It's great you have an appointment booked for tomorrow, talking with the counsellor will be helpful. 

Your daughter made a mistake, but it's really fabulous for her that she opened up to her counsellor. Hanging onto shame or embarrassment is toxic. Being loved and accepted despite our stuff ups lets us forgive ourselves and move forward. Hopefully this will open the door to her getting help to stop smoking too and find something else she can do that helps ease her inner pain and turmoil. 

Your close relationship with your daughter is really heartwarming and she's lucky to have such a loving and supportive mum. It's not an easy job, and we're an outlet if you need to get your feelings out so they don't become overwhelming. 

My heart goes out to you and your girl. Hugs to you both xx

[Sister]

Hi @sunflowermom,

So sorry you have been going through this with your daughter.

I hope things have settled down for you both.