09-13-2018 12:46 PM
Hi @sunflowermom , I'm so sorry to hear all of this and to hear how much pain you are in
I can't imagine the grief and sadness you're describing. Having no sleep won't be helping either
How did the appointment with the therapist go today?
It seems like the impact of this will take some time for you to process before you can think about "what next".
Be looking after your emotional health as best you can - so that you can think clearly about how to respond and move forward. Look after you in this, as it really does sound like such an awful shock.
How did your daughter respond when you confronted her about this?
Is it possible to have an open discussion, perhaps not just yet... maybe once things have settled after the initial shock...around her sexual safety, and her thoughts around her sexual choices? Being 15 is a complicated and confusing time for sexuality to say the least. She's may be dealing with her own sense of shame, and guilt around this too... or she may be feeling completely differently about it.
Let us know how you're holding up, and how everything is going today
09-13-2018 06:42 PM
I can only imagine how heartbreaking and worrying this news must’ve been for you @sunflowermom. It’s a really helpless feeling seeing our girls self destructing and unable to see their own worth. My heart goes out to you, and I really hope your daughter’s therapy session was productive for you both and gave you a direction from here.
The future does feel very frightening, I very much feel the same for my daughter’s future. I heard something today that gave me some hope though. “The kids that make it through these times are those who have a parent whose arm is around their shoulder, telling them ‘It’s okay, I’ll walk this path with you’.”
I know we sometimes really struggle walking that path with them, but the bottom line is that we are. I hope gives you some hope too, that just by being the loving mum you are is doing your daughter a lot of good.
I hope you can use your meditation area after work to help soothe the pain. Being in a safe, calming place allows me to settle enough to have a good cry which always makes me feel a little less bruised and battered.
My daughter was medically cleared and came home Tuesday night finally. She needs follow up liver function tests done next week but she should recover completely. Her mental state is comparatively better which is good.
You’re in my thoughts
09-13-2018 09:12 PM
The school is involved- she had a video of herself and adult male she was showing her friends at school. Police involved of course now. Several men may be going to jail over this since she is 15. Her phone taken into evidence- she had to unlock her phone for them.
In ways the night mare drags on.
But, therapy went well yesterday. When she came home she fell asleep- she is still asleep. It must be a relief in a way to her to finally be caught.... In a way its relief to me even though it will still be an emotional and painful road.
How do I just help this child build her self worth? I don't know if she will try affirmations? But I need more ideas......
PS: I wish I monitored her cell phone. The privacy parts doesn't matter as much to me right now.
09-13-2018 09:16 PM
I am so happy your daughter is home with you!!! I know the fresh start feels wonderful and a bit scary at the same time. It sounds like she is in a much better place emotionally.
09-14-2018 11:37 AM
hey @sunflowermom , sorry to hear that the police are involved - I didn't realise that it was adult men involved. That must be painfully difficult for you to process.
Glad therapy was good - so important to keep that up at the moment. The emotional and painful road ahead i believe is a road towards healing - and as you say, the relief is that now everything has been brought to life, that journey that finally begin.
09-14-2018 07:34 PM
Thank you so much for your support @sunflowermom, particularly when you are going through such a heartbreaking time yourself.
This latest news must’ve been absolutely devastating to hear and I can only imagine how you are processing it all. I’m so glad therapy went well - your daughter must be emotionally exhausted as well, and as you say, it’s likely to be a huge relief in a way for her too. It’s not news you want to hear but the positive is now you know what’s going on and so can get the help needed.
I do hope there is justice for your daughter, and that she can get on a less destructive path, and one where she can learn to value all the wonderful things about herself and find peace with herself.
Your question is such a good one - “How do I just help this child build her self worth?”
I was thinking it’d be a great topic to start to get ideas from the community, so will put something together.
Please take care of yourself. I know self care can feel hard to do during the times we need it most, but even 10 minutes of meditation or breathing exercises can be of help
09-19-2018 09:07 PM
SO, my daughter is back in a hospital. We went to therapy on Monday before our family group and her therapist decided it was the best move. My daughter has become very detached and with her impulse control issues- its a dangerous spot.
She probably wont be coming home for some time- we are looking at long term residential care- maybe a for a few months. My heart is breaking but we have tried everything we could think of up until now. I just want to save my daughter more than anything in the world.
I am going to need lots of extra support from my family and community right now.
09-19-2018 10:06 PM
I know you may feel exhausted and broken @sunflowermom as this really is a heartbreaking time for you but please don't lose hope. You always show such great support, strength, perseverance and compassion for others and hopefully we can all reciprocate that for you in your time of need
09-21-2018 03:02 AM - last edited on 09-21-2018 09:30 AM by gina-Ro
If you suspect your child might be suicidal and you're not sure what to do next, be sure to keep the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number handy.
In Australia the number is 13 11 14, and in the US is 1800 273-8255. Don't be afraid to call.
09-21-2018 11:10 AM
It is such a heartbreaking time for you @sunflowermom, and I hope now your daughter can get some specialised care and turn things around for herself. These times can be the hardest, yet the most life changing at the same time, and know we’re here to support you navigating your way through.
It is some respite for you too and hopefully through all of this there’ll be some healing for the whole family.
Thinking of you