09-05-2019 09:25 AM - edited 09-05-2019 09:58 AM
I have concern of my daughters well being and mental state, She is 14 years old and majority of her life it has been equal shared care with myself and her father, Her father is remarried and has another daughter.
At the start of the year her father and step mother took her without my knowledge when in my care and had denied me spending time with her.
Over the years it has been week on week off and majority of her life my parents and I have financially supported her when in my care and her father he would financially support her when there.
Anyway I have noticed over the years that my daughter has developed anxiety over minor issues when relating to things that have been somewhat materialistic, eg: if she had left a top or pair of socks at my place which they had paid for and she had forgot to pack them when going back to her fathers, she would get in a lot of trouble and would get anxious if we had no way of obtaining that item in time for when she had to go back to her fathers for his week.
Her father and step mother are constantly looking over her shoulder and take control of her phone and give her no privacy when communicating with me, I hardly ever speak to her and have now only been seeing my daughter once every fortnight for a few hours.
Prior to them taking her she was anxious to go back to her fathers for the week as she had lost her phone and she had begged for me to stay with us and to not go back to her fathers as there would be fighting as she had put it. but as its always been week on week off care I couldnt keep her from going to her fathers.
my daughter also had issues of self harming and only had done this when in their care at their house, her father and step mother is now not allowing me to know what her health state is with her councelling.
i feel as though her step mother has vindictively done certain things to try and get me out of the picture she has also put her on the pill without either mine or her fathers knowledge, they have changed her schools to make it harder for me to be able to see her as her school now is miles away.
I feel as though they are lying to her and telling her bad things to persuade my daughter that i am incapable of being a parent and that i dont want to be a part of her life and that my daughter is unsafe while in my care.(which given the certain things that her father and step mother are the perpurtrators by putting her in this situation and not allowing me to spend time with her) my daughter and my family have always been close and now all of a sudden she doesnt want to spend time with me or my side of the family at all.
I am in the process of getting a dispute resolution meeting which has taken over 6 months and I am constantly worrying about my daughter.
I believe that Her step mother whom works in child services is using her knowledge to manipulate situations to make it seem as though i am unfit, I really dont know what to do in the mean time till this resolution meeting takes place and fear that the longer it takes that my daughter might self harm even more by the pressure of the situation they have put her in? is there any advice that anyone can give me that may help me cope in the meantime, and to not make it harder for my daughter in the situation they have put her in?
I just want to make it clear that i have always ensured that our daughter spends time with all her family and have never denied time spent with her father and at some point i did have respect for her step mother and have never spoke bad of either of them till this day to our daughter. Im rather dissapointed that her father and step mother are being this way
09-05-2019 02:49 PM
Hi @Katbrat01 and welcome to the ReachOut Parents Community.
Such difficult circumstances you are in right now, I can hear just how much this entire situation around custody and the dynamics with your daughter's father is impacting you. Very heartbreaking situation.
You have mentioned that there has been some noticeable shifts in your daughter's wellbeing, from anxiety to self harming. It sounds like there is a lot going on for her. At the moment, do you have any contact with your daughter, or is she with her father and step mother full time?
You have mentioned accessing dispute resolution, can you tell us a little bit more about what that involves?
What is your support system like at the moment? Do you have people that are around to help you through this difficult time and lend an ear?
We are always here to listen if you need to talk things through- my heart goes out to you today