three years of abuse and counting...........

[cantakeitnomore]

Hi, new here, desperate to find others who understand what I'm going through.  My son, adopted, his bio dad is our eldest son, was the picture of totally delightful child till he reached eleven.  We were always pinching ourselves, thinking this was our reward for the trials we endured with our eldest, but then the shoe dropped.  Now he's fourteen.  Can't take "no" for an answer, when he asked for something I freeze, knowing that I'm trapped, I either acquiesce or face his wrath.  So far I have faced the wrath, but I must admit I am indulging more and more in substances that dull my mind and help me cope.  He's big, towers over me, has hit me once and makes my life a living hell.  I know there's no one out there with an easy answer, but I'd love to hear from others who understand.  This boy was the joy of my life, and now.............now I don't even recognize him anymore.  

[Janine-RO]

Hi @cantakeitnomore , 

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time with your son.  I hear you saying that you feel trapped, and that must be a really scary and frustrating feeling.

Teenagers can definitely find it harder than adults to manage their anger, and sometimes anger can be an expression of something else, like frustration, or fear. When your son is calm, is he open to talking about what might be happening in his life?  Can I ask, does he have contact with your older son? 

We have a few resources on our parents page that might be helpful - there is a guide to helping to calm down your teenager when they are angry here, and more general information on teenagers and anger here. 

It sounds like things are really hard at the moment, I'm wondering if your son would be open to chatting to a doctor or a counsellor about what is happening for him at the moment? It looks like you might be located in the USA, is that right? We're an Australian site so I'm not totally across the support services there, but I did come across the national parents helpline , 

which looks like it might be a good starting point if you're wanting to look for some support for yourself and your son.  It's not uncommon to hear from parents who begin to lean on substance use when they're under a lot of pressure- do you feel like your substance use is starting to become a problem for you? 

We are all here to listen, I can hear how much you love your son, and I hope that things start to improve for you and your family soon.