My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

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Casual scribe

My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

Hi,
My 16 year old suffers anxiety and is currently being homeschooled. He has cut all ties from his friends due to shame associated with not being able to get to school. The only two things that provide him with joy is his dog and online games.
He irregularly sees a psychologist, whom he claims doesn’t help. This is now his fourth. He’s partaken in all sorts of therapy, but nothing has worked. He’s a beautiful boy with so much emotional intelligence who just can’t find his place in this world.
He’s been on meds now for two years after having suicidal tendencies. Every suggestion under the sun has been made to have him engage with people. The bottom line is that unless he really wants ants help, he isn’t going to embrace it.
His psychologist is concerned that he’s missing out on potentially reaching crucial milestones in adolescent years. I am too. He should be out there hanging out with his mates, discovering girls, or boys, and testing boundaries. He’s been out of touch for almost two years now and obviously the longer he remains disengaged, the more difficult it will be for him to challenge his comfort zone. Everything’s either boring, ridiculous or for losers only, just like himself. He views himself as pathetic, unmotivated and hopeless. He doesn’t respond well to praise , or much else actually.
My secret dream at the moment is for a life coach/ mentor/ case worker/ inspiration to enter his life and help him realise his potential. And this is only one of my many wishes for him. I’ve stopped looking for that magic wand to erase all the pain, but I just can’t give up hope.
I’m not quite sure what I’m hopng to achieve by contributing to this forum, but I’m sure I’m not the only lost soul out there!!!
Community Manager

Re: My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

Welcome to RO parents @Plhelp. Please know that you are definitely contributing to the RO community, as it lets others know they're not alone in their experience. We have had quite a few parents who seem to have come up against a similar situation, so hopefully our members will be able to share their experience with you shortly.I really commend your perseverance and sense of hope and I guess I'd just like to encourage your own self-care and making sure you have independent support to help guide you through this experience. Are you currently chatting to anybody and what's been happening?

 

 

Casual scribe

Re: My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

Thanks for the welcome! I’ve a wonderful network of family and friends, and when my son won’t go to his appointments, I see his psychologist to help me deal with him. Unlike some other members of this forum, I have an amazing GP who is my rock, and has known my son since birth. So in many ways, I’m lucky. I just wish some luck would reach my son!
This is the cause of a lot of my frustration. All the professionals we have on hand genuinely want to help all of us, but it’s been a journey finding the right people. My son simply refuses to take that leap of faith and accept help. What do I do? He’s so stuck in his deep, dark and lonely hole and I worry about him all the time.
I suppose like everybody else here, we’ve just got to keep on hoping.
Super frequent scribe

Re: My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

Hi @Plhelp,

 

Thank you for sharing, I see some similarities with my son.

 

My son also has very low self-esteem and he feels that the help provided to him is ineffective (I also attend the psychologist sessions that he skips!).

 

I feel the same way, in that he needs to 'want to help himself' to fully benefit from treatment. However, I also think he sees the effort you (and everyone else) is putting in, and that's what's really important.

 

Best of luck!

 

 

Casual scribe

Re: My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

So good to hear from you!

Do you mind if I ask his age, and if he’s at school?

My main concern ATM is that his emotional development has plateaued. This is something I’ve been noticing the last few months.

Is your son socialising at all?

Super frequent scribe

Re: My son is a loner, hardly leaves the house.

Hi @Plhelp,

 

My son is 14, and yes he is at school (although he has struggled - in his 5th school now and previous was a special school that specialized in his conditions).

 

My son is very different to yours in that he will do anything to get social approval (including criminal activity to 'impress' peers). It really is the only reason he is going to school.

 

I can imagine your concerns regarding the developmental issues. I guess the best outcome we want for our kids is that they grow up having a good peer influence, and anything other than that we stress about.

 

I'm sorry I'm not able to provide helpful ideas for how you can help your son. It sounds like you are doing everything you can and I'm sure that is helping more than you can imagine.