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10 year old barely has friends, help!

10 year old barely has friends, help!

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Casual scribe
Mummabear1

10 year old barely has friends, help!

I’m new here. My ten year old has barely any friends. Every one says she is so blunt and to honest! I feel she has become this way after a year of being bullied by another girl who she thought was her friend.
Knowing how she is she would be the best friend to have as an adult. She wouldn’t sugar coat any thing and she would tell you what you need to hear. An honest friend. But for her age she just comes across wrong and no one wants to hang out with her. And the few that do some times seem like they only include her when it’s convenient for them. I’ve spoke to her about not being blunt ect but she just can’t seem to make more friends
Parent/Carer Community Champion
PapaBill

Re: 10 year old barely has friends, help!

Hi @Mummabear1 

 

I had something similar with my daughter when she was around a similar age.

Friends would come and have a quiet concerned word about how my daughter was not joining in with the others.

 

I spoke with her and she said she was happy going to the library and reading a book during lunch or helping our the librarian.

 

I was concerned as I am quite social and more an extravert than introvert.

Thing to realise here is there is quite a range of what is normally and healthy.

 

Extraverts are always worried the introverts are missing out or being excluded when the introvert is just enjoying the quite time.

 

As long as your daughter is capable of good social interactions when required (and they will be as she moves through the education system and into work) her choosing to be less social shouldn't be a problem

 

If

  • she is struggling to interact when she wants to or
  • Wants to be more social and is struggling to find friends 

that is when you might need to see if you help her develop the skills.

 

Have you asked your daughter how she feels about it?

What is the feedback you get from her, her teacher and other parents about when your daughter does interact.

 

Today my daughter has grown into a confident, intelligent and caring young woman who still prefers a good book the company of most people.  That is what makes her happy.

 

I still try to arrange things so her few friends can be accommodated and try to get her to go out.

She smiles at me and lets me know she is happy and goes back to enjoying the peace and quiet she so loves.

 

Let us know you go.

Casual scribe
Mummabear1

Re: 10 year old barely has friends, help!

She definitely wants to hang out with others. She gets bored at home being on her own. But no one wants to hang out with her besides at school, those couple of kids that do like her.
When asking my daughter about her friendship situation and not having many friends, she gets tears in her eyes and says “ every one thinks I’m rude or mean”
But to her she just thinks if some one upsets her or there is a problem she will say what that problem is or call them out on the situation.
So then she gets accused of being mean.
She tends to gravitate to older girls as well.
We have tried the saying sorry to girls and saying I didn’t mean to be so honest but it’s doesnt seem to change much.
Parent/Carer Community Champion
PapaBill

Re: 10 year old barely has friends, help!

Sounds like she is having a tough time

Pre-teen girl peer relationships are not something I have experience off

Would there be a club or group that does activities that would interest your daughter?

Scouts could be good if she is out doors loving

My sons troop had many girls and it is place where being direct and honest is not seen as badly as some other peer groups

Maybe something else where they do things rather than just socialise may be an option??
Mod
Jess1-RO

Re: 10 year old barely has friends, help!

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Hi @Mummabear1 

 

I can imagine it would be heartbreaking to hear from your daughter that she is feeling lonely Heart Seconding @PapaBill's question, is your daughter involved in any hobby groups/clubs/sport or other where she is meeting new people?

 

You mentioned that she has a small group of friends at school, how does she find this group? Does she feel comfortable to be herself?

 

10 is such a tough age with so much turbulent change in friendships as young people continue to grow and develop their personalities and social experiences. Your daughter's honesty is definitely something that will be an asset to her in later life.

 

I also wanted to link you a few of our resources- they are geared at teens but there may be some takeaway messages that would apply to under 12s too. We have an article about how parents can help teens make friends, teens and great friendships and a resource on how to help your teen be a good friend. Is there anything from these resources that might be helpful for you and your daughter?

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