16yo Daughter and her first BF

[Maine127]

So our daughter (16) just got her first boyfriend in December.   She says they aren't "officially dating" since he hasn't asked her out yet which I don't get but that's a whole other topic.    They go to different schools which I think is a good thing and she usually gets to see him one night during the week if she does not have anything else going on and normally on the weekends.    We have met him and he has been to our house a few times and they hang out watching movies etc.    But for some reason our daughter feels the need to hang on him even when other people are around.    We have tried telling her she doesn't need to act like that but it sort of goes in one ear and out the other so not really quite sure how it get this point across to her.    While I understand this is all new for her. it  just makes everyone around her uncomfortable to watch her hang on him especially when others are in the same room, vehicle etc. etc.     Any advice would be greatly appreciated........

[sophiemcg]

Hi, it's normal that they are not 'official' yet as for teenagers that takes time even if they both like each other. I guess it's normal that she feels like she needs physical affection from him all the time, it is probably just a validating feeling for her. Over time, I'm sure it will become more comfortable, if not, maybe just talk to her and try to set some boundaries. Hope this helps!

[Maine127]

Thanks and I am sure you are right but this is just all new to everyone and sure we are over reacting but at the same time do not like making others feel uncomfortable when everyone is around.    I am sure this is only the beginning.........

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Maine127 , 

I've just been catching up on this post, thanks for posting to the community here  

I think you're probably right when you say that this is only the beginning - watching our teens starting to navigate romantic relationships is another really big shift in parenting. I just thought I'd share a few resources from our ReachOut parents page in case they're helpful to you - there's one that I really like about helping your teenager to develop healthy boundaries in romantic relationships . I think it's totally fine for you and your family to have discussions with her around your boundaries, as well as have an open chat with her around her own boundaries - the article goes into a lot of different types of boundaries, and has some really good ideas for how to start those conversations. 

"Ask your teenager to think about what they are comfortable with in a romantic relationship. Not just in terms of sex, but also in terms of how independent they want to be, displays of affection, what they would want to share with a partner. Give them some examples."

There's also a fact sheet on teens and romantic relationships that I thought might be useful. 

As you say, it's not great for anyone if other people are feeling uncomfortable when they're around them, it's a really common experience when hormones are flying though! 

I hope that some of the materials I shared might help a bit, thanks so much for posting here and please keep us posted with how you're getting on