04-01-2022 08:30 AM - last edited on 04-01-2022 01:34 PM by Bre-RO
Hi this is the first time I have ever written on a forum. Really looking for some advice. My soon to be 9yo is really lashing out. He has always been out of my 3 sons one that craves/needs more attention but Recently his behaviour is getting much much worse. He is seeking good/bad attention and he has admitted this. He is not one for sharing, gets very jealous of his younger brothers who are 6 & 3. I have to repeat myself to my eldest at least 5-6 times for me to get his attention long enough to either snap him out the mood he is on or send him to his room for his bad behaviour.
His behaviour started with usually not listening, starting fights with his brothers. Answering back cheeky type of thing.
I spoke to his teacher before christmas who said she would keep an eye on him.
At the start of March I had to get us tested for covid which we were negative so when I explained back to school following day he absolutely lost it. Complete over reaction, I said to him something else had to be Wrong was there trouble at school etc he said he just hates it and it’s so boring.
Then week later he ends up with covid and had to be off, the day he was on to go back to school he gave hell to his grandparents who help in the mornings as I am away at 0730am for work. This day the behaviour steps up a level again by him throwing his clothes out the window. On This day I speak to his teacher, before I got to speak to his teacher I experienced a situation In the car of him lashing out and grabbing my hood and hair because he did not want me out the car to speak to his teacher. He disclosed this day prior to school after calming down from throwing the clothes out the window to his papa he was getting bullied by two girls who not only give him a hard time but the whole class and are just disruptive in general. Spoke to the teacher who said she will look into it and do daily check ins. Then this week his behaviour has escalated again , to give an example of this week we celebrated my birthday on the Saturday and 5mins before family arrived he started turning on his brothers causing the youngest to cry it’s almost like he gets over excited with the build up of something nice we are doing and he can’t control his emotions in the correct manner and always ends up making the wrong decision which ultimately puts him in a position that when he is so head strong and stubborn he can’t apologise and continues with the bad behaviour until we reach a point where punishment is needed or time out.
On my birthday he repeatedly punched my back which I ignored then he threw a ball to hit my head which it did, again I remained calm and was refusing to give him the desired reaction then finally he attempted to hit me with a wooden clothes pole but to put you in the picture he is also cowardly in the sense that he starts these things very small because deep down I don’t believe he wants to hurt me but is seeking some form of attention. He even said to me why do we have to celebrate you and your birthday it’s not fair. I don’t know how else to put this but he is also very wanting: every day is can I get, mum how much money do I have? See for Xmas/my birthday can you get me. It’s insufferable when he behaves so badly but in next sentence will forget what he has done then has these expectations for me to buy him stuff. 5 days later I have tested positive for covid, feeling utterly rubbish, boys ok to attend school have Easter Bonnet competition, well when their papa dropped them off all hell broke loose because eldest was in a foul mood because he did not win the competition he proceeded to ruin and break his brother bonnet as well as his own knowing full well the consequences he then proceeded to say he wanted to kill himself, I managed to cuddle and distract him with play like we were dancing to try and side track him but soon he was back again saying he just didn’t want to be here he hates his life. Papa was able to intervene and got him to his room to calm down then I discovered he drew all over his walls which he has never done before keeping in mind how awful I am feeling with covid I snapped and lost it crying asking why he was doing this to me. I sent him through to his papa who lives next door. Again papa was able to restore some normality by calling a “friend” who runs a detention centre for
Young boys that want to cause trouble me and misbehave. This seemed to have an effect and I got all the apologies etc. he is now grounded with his iPad off him and fully aware any signs of that behaviour again he will not be attending his friends bday party in 2 weeks time. His behaviour is just escalating and escalating. I am at a loss what to do. If I go to gp waiting list for Camhs will be forever, I can’t afford to go private. I already reached out to school who are doing daily check ins with him and have said he is not like this at school which I can believe. I honestly feel he is without a doubt pushing the boundaries. I also meant to say his dad has been working away also, I am the softer parent so I know he is trying to see how much he can get away with.
Just after Xmas he also called me a **bleep** and the day I went to the teacher he called me a **bleep** liar because I sent him to school instead of him staying off longer.
Overall he is a lovely boy, like I said always needed most of my attention compared to the other two but the behaviour is just out of control now, even his grandparents are losing a handle on him and also not enjoying their time with him with the grief that he causes the adults or his siblings.
I can sit at night waves of guilt and broken promises from him and me then comforting him only to have 1-2 ok days then bam back to the explosive / jealous like rage that seems to take over and to snap Him out of that mood is exhausting. I also feel it’s really having an impact on his brothers. If it’s not them getting the brunt of it they are then being pushed aside for me to have all my attention taken trying to deal with what he is doing. Sorry this is so long winded I could keep typing I am just so lost myself and emotional and my anxiety is through the roof worrying about the type of teenager/adult he will grow into if this is not nipped in the bud. Any advice would be hugely appreciated. Xx
04-01-2022 01:31 PM
Hi there @Tiredmumofboys
I'm really glad you decided to open up about your son. After reading through your post, it's so clear that you're doing your best to manage an overwhelming situation which I can imagine is tough with their father away for work.
I'm also relieved to read that you have some support from the boy's grandparents. With this said, it sounds like you feel the situation is becoming challenging for the whole family to cope with. I can imagine how tired, stressed, and emotional you must be feeling right now, and I was curious to know if you have a support person to call on when you're feeling overwhelmed by it all?
It sounds like a lot is going on for your son, and school seems to trigger a lot of emotion for him. It's great that you've been open with his teachers, and I wonder if there's potential for them to provide more support with this situation. How would you feel about discussing this with the principal and possibly the school counsellor?
I also want to acknowledge the incident when your son shared suicidal thoughts. That must have been very upsetting and concerning for you to hear, and it sounds like you handled it beautifully by trying to distract him and getting support from his Papa.
I'm hearing that this situation is feeling urgent, but you have worries about how long it will take to get the support you and your family need right now. Given the recent escalation and its impact on yourself and your sons, it sounds like booking time with your GP would be an important next step.
We're going to contact you via email to explore how to support you best. So keep an eye out for that when you have some time.
You're doing an incredible job of navigating this. Thank you for reaching out, and I hope to hear back from you soon.