10-07-2020 11:26 PM
Teenager anxiety. 16yr old girl.
We have a very open and relaxed household. Our daughter does struggle with anxiety, we have set the path for help through headspace and try to talk through as much as we can. We generally feel that we are doing what we can for her to grow and manage this in time.
shes always demanded high expectations of herself; to the point we have had to try and coach her into doing less and not overburden beyond what’s possible; add bisexual identity to friends not really being friends etc, stress is obviously understandable.....
My question however is; how do you (for want of a better term) push back on her to take responsibility for herself and not lash out or put that burden on others?
My wife is stretched to her limit, the daughter all too often lashes out unfairly at her brother and uses her emotions as an excuse. Without lessening the importance of her challenges; how do we make her understand that her emotions and the stresses she is dealing with are (within reason) a normal challenge that she needs to learn to conquer?
10-07-2020 11:33 PM
Further note; my wife and I both grew up under abusive parents to varied degrees.
We obviously understand teen stress and difficulty with friendships etc; I say we are an open household because we have both gone to strong lengths to be open minded and understanding.
both our pair are (touch wood) good, decent kids; never drugs, no drinking, well loved and they do both know it. We don’t have lots but always have more than the essentials.
We kinda assumed that our childhood issues were because of the poor households but it seems no matter the kid....
10-08-2020 01:27 PM
Good on you for engaging with supports and doing what you can to be there for your daughter, its really lovely to read, you clearly want what is best for her.
How are things going with headspace? Perhaps learning to manage and soothe through difficult emotions is something that your daughter could discuss with her headspace counsellor to learn some techniques for this?
I'm wondering as well if your daughter has any other emotional outlets that she finds helpful such as sport or something creative, maybe you could share with her what you find to be helpful when you feel angry or frustrated? Sometimes these sorts of activities can also be a great way to make friends too, I understand her friends aren't being friends at the moment which can be so hard to watch.
I'm sorry to hear that both you and your wife grew up in abusive households, its so lovely that you have both done your best to be open minded with parenting - it can take a lot to ask for support, it's wonderful that you have. If you want to discuss supports for yourselves as well, let me know.
It's so important that you are both able to take time out for yourselves too, what do you two do to unwind?
10-09-2020 08:08 AM
We had a big chat over this weekend, we originally thought the headspace councillor was going well but she said she was finding them a little.... robotic? In that they were giving her textbook handling techniques (if I understood what she’s saying) rather than a real personalised discussion. However she said it’s getting somewhere so stay the course for now.
I'm hoping the friends issue will settle soon; she recently broken (and a little betrayed) by her girlfriend who is continuing to be part of the group and picking at her a but. Biggest current problem is none of the others are supporting her again the ex (I know, love dramas... right?) the difficulty of walking away from friends who aren’t really being friends versus having no friends....
yes, she does drama double classes after school which does at least offer her a different group of friends. Plus extra curricular school based dance; she enjoys the dance but feels snobbed by those girls.
as parents, yes we do have our own activities; lately I think the biggest problem is trying to fit too much into the week. Lol. We are both tradies and work together in a small business; it’s crazy hectic! Lol
10-09-2020 03:06 PM
Hey @DadStress , great to hear back from you!
That is a shame that she is finding the headspace counsellor a bit robotic, glad to hear she said it's getting somewhere and that you're chatting with her about it so you can monitor how that is all going. There is always the option to ask to see a different counsellor if you're both thinking that might work better - not saying you necessarily should, but its good to know the choice is there
Ah that does sound like horrible friend drama for her at the moment! I hope that will settle soon too, these things do chill out sometimes, it's good she's speaking openly with you about it and allowing you to check in - she must really trust you to share these dramas with you, that's pretty special. And great she has some other friends at drama class, can be so valuable to get fresh perspectives from different friends.
Sounds super hectic for you both! Wanting to fit a lot in is so tempting, but it's important to have time to do nothing together. I hope you find a few moments of peace this weekend