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Boyfriend spoiling grandchidren

Boyfriend spoiling grandchidren


Boyfriend spoiling grandchidren



I adopted 3 children, who also happen to be my boyfriend's grandchildren,  Recently, he sold his home and is living with us, which he wishes to make permanent.  However, I have misgivings due to the fact that he is giving my adopted children (his grandchildren) anything they ask for, even when I have asked him not to.  He does this mostly with the oldest boy and youngest girl, leaving out the middle child.  I have discussed this with him numerous times and he just nods his head, but continues to do it.  To top it off, the oldest boy, 16, is not well-behved.  He gets in trouble in school , cusses me out, is disrespectful toward me, and I know he is only being nice to my boyfriend because he knows he will give him anything he wants.    The boys have an older sister, who is now an adult, that was living with us from age 14 to age 16, and he did the same with her (he once had custody of these grandchildren) and she ended up being a delinquent teen, and is now the mother of a 6 month old and is in danger of losing her child to DCF due to her drug use.  A little background on my boyfriend, he married a woman with 4 young children, who he raised into adulthood.  All 4 turned out to be either alcoholic adults or drug dependent and lost custody of their children.  I am afraid if he continues to spoil these kids, esp. the older boy, who seems to be a greater risk, ,he will end up in the same boat.  Also, I resent the fact that he gives this child anything he wants, even as he witnesses how badly he disrespects me.  I don't know how to get across to my boyfriend that he is not only endangering our relationship but also is being a detriment to my son's growing into a productive adult.  My boyfriend and my son do not realize I have access to my son's messenger account, and recently he sent him 170.00, after I asked him to please stop sending him money every time he asks for it.  I am at my wits' end and am about ready to tell him to find other living quarters.  Am I being selfish?

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Re: Boyfriend spoiling grandchidren

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Hi @itztwyla , 


That sounds like a really tricky situation - have you had any conversations with your boyfriend about how you feel when he doesn't respect the boundaries that you are trying to set with your children? I can imagine it would add an extra layer of difficulty when they are also his grandchildren, with the complicated family history. Do you think your boyfriend would be open to having a family meeting with you, the kids and himself to chat about boundaries and consequences? We have a great resource here if you are interested. I imagine it must feel really frustrating if you set boundaries and then have them undermined, I'd say the first step would be making sure he knows how you're feeling about this. 


Thinking of you.