06-05-2017 02:44 PM - last edited on 06-05-2017 05:14 PM by Ngaio-RO
Hi all , I am writing a blog on 10 road tested parenting strategies for teens . I will be posting it on my website. I want all your best tips for dealing with lively opinionated and sometimes obnoxious teens ! I am not looking for expert opinion or theory based stuff regurged I truly want parent to input THEIR favourite all time behavioural strategies that they have implemented and found worked , if you can include a real conversation example even better ! Without identifying your precious ofcourse !!😳😡😜 Even a little story of how it evolved would be great too !
Thanks all , your efforts and time will be much appreciated . 🤗
06-06-2017 03:33 PM
Hi all , just to add to my call out post to parents . I need to let you know that you will remain anonymous, I will make up names and where I publish it will remain anonymous too .
Hope to here from you soon ! 😊
06-08-2017 10:59 PM
Hey @motherbear, what a great idea, and a great resource to put out there for your readers. I'm certainly interested in sharing with you, so will write back tomorrow with something
06-09-2017 08:55 AM
I'm a mother of 3, and was feeling pretty overwhelmed with the amount of housework I was doing when my kids were getting close to high school age. So when my eldest child started in year 7, I used that as kind of a rite of passage to becoming independent and showed her how to use the washing machine and the iron. It took some time for her to get into the routine and sometimes she went to school in a crumpled uniform, but it's paid off. As my 2nd and 3rd child approached high school, doing their own washing and ironing seemed like a 'grown up' task that they were willing to take on. I really think it game them some confidence in their own ability, improved their planning and organisation skills, their pride in their own appearance, and they learned the consequences of their own inaction. Now I have much less washing to do and my kids are a few steps closer to becoming independent adults.
06-09-2017 03:28 PM - edited 06-09-2017 03:29 PM
Oh my god @Susieq You made me laugh when I read your post !!
When I was a child my mum MADE me do what felt like 2 hours of ironing a week ( I'm sure it was less) I HATED it soooooo much and argued ALL the time over it . So much so that as an adult I do not have an ironing basket sitting smugly in my house anywhere !! Lol 😂 It was so ironic that the first post I get is about kids and ironing lol 😜
However it has taught me that we all have house duties and responsibilities and thus my kids also do jobs . What I love about your system is that you started when they were young and so it's not such a huge problem now getting them to stick to the routine . And you perserved even though they were not done well initially .
Good parenting takes conscious active effort and consistency and that is where most of us fall down !!
Thank you sooooo much for your post . I'm hoping now others will feel like posting too 😉🌹🙏
06-09-2017 06:42 PM
Hey @motherbear, in my daughter's early teens she communicated with aggression and violence. We made a 'glitter jar' that was simply a jar filled with water, and coloured glitter and was left on the kitchen bench. Instead of screaming or throwing things, she would shake the jar furiously, telling me her 'glitter was going everywhere', just as it was in the jar. The glitter was beautiful, and represented her mind and emotions.
It gave my daughter the opportunity to begin to recognise her emotions, which we later continued on with using emotion cards and a mood chart. I found that the more she could label each emotion she experienced and communicate them to me, the more her aggression and violence settled.
For this to work, I need to be able to hear whatever it is she has to say to me, keeping my own feelings separate. I need to be calm and supportive and able to sit with her and talk. This has strengthened our relationship brought us close.
So in a nutshell, I'd say my successfully road tested parenting strategy is teaching my daughter awareness and language around her emotions, and listening to her without judgement and with patience and support.
@Susieq I so envy your success with your kids doing jobs! From about age 7 I grew up ironing my Dad's workshirts and hankies. We also lived on a farm and had animals to look after twice a day. It's such a battle with my daughter though!
06-10-2017 09:47 AM
Hi there, been a while since I've posted, but thanks for the inspiration to share again Like you, I too have developed a website for teens and families to find local resources in our state that so often gets overlooked (guess where!)
Though whilst full of ideas, directions and resources, it's actually a reflection of my parenting style so far I think!
I aim to "be the bow whilst they are the arrows" whilst at the same time remembering that one "can lead the horse to water but can't make it drink"!
I aim to make the ride enjoyable, but ultimately, they are the riders
Love to know more about your project and thanks for sharing
06-11-2017 11:09 AM
One of the best parenting strategies I find works most of the time is setting boundaries. Eg, we have a phone curfew for my 17 year old daughter on school nights - which is 9:30pm . We have been doing this for about 6-7 months now. She didn't like it at first, and it was a drama to get her to hand the phone over, now she does it with no problems 90% of the time. I charge her phone in my room during the night, so she doesn't have the temptation to sneak using it. The reason for the curfew is to allow her to get uninterrupted sleep and to give her a break from the drama and constant communication that comes from having the phone. If she is not tired, she reads a book. It surprises me that she get alerts and notifications from friends all throughout the night and early morning - it never stops! There is a whole generation of kids that are sleep deprived, which is not a healthy habit to start adulthood. Hope this helps!
All the best with the blog...