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Cannot stand 19yr old step daughter

Cannot stand 19yr old step daughter

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Sooverit

Cannot stand 19yr old step daughter

Cannot stand even the sight of 19yr old step daughter. She moved in a year ago. Got a job finally after 9 Months. The reason she drives me insane is due to her being messy. It does not matter how many times I have reminded her to do her chores and the most basic of things such a cleaning up after herself SO MANY TIMES yet she still does not do it. Partner works away every second week and I have a toddler. I manage to take care of toddler and keep kitchen clean etc.
her room you cannot see the floor and it stinks. She leaves dirty plates and rubbish in her room. She never once does anything around the house to be helpful In anyway. I am cleaning up after her because I’m just sick to death of the same conversation. She has no consequences for her laziness.
All I want is for her to clean up after herself in the kitchen. Do the dishes on her days like she’s supposed to. To stop leaving dirty and visibly soiled clothes in bathroom I have to bathe toddler In. There’s a few others but they are basic. Like do her laundry. But she never does. That is all. But she does nothing. Unless nagged.
So I’m at a point now where I’m going to just say I will not do her any favours at all until she can learn to do these simple things. Partner expects me to still treat her with compassion and care. I want her gone.
Apparently she won’t leave until she saves enough for a car and rent. Which at this rate will be 2030. How do I remain calm. I find my hr rising just thinking about it. I get the shakes when having to confront her on stuff

Active scribe
Walter2-RO

Re: Cannot stand 19yr old step daughter

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Hey Sooverit

Sending alot of compassion your way. It must super frustrating with a teenager who is not helping out and you simply want them to chip in a bit and be more considerate to help clean up particularly after herself. It must be very hard when you have a toddler and your partner is not there all the time.

It's great to see you reaching out for support on an issue that I think many step-parents find difficult, that they often dont feel taken as seriously by the young person compared to their biological parent.

Im wondering it if may be helpful to sit down with her together with your partner and talk about expectations.

There is a great article (link below) about initiating rules and guidelines in a blended family that may be worth checking out also to give you some helpful tips. Do you think she may be open to exploring some house guidelines and expectations together as a family?

https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/things-to-try-blended-families/a-who...
Community Manager
Bre-RO

Re: Cannot stand 19yr old step daughter

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Hi @Sooverit thanks for sharing this with the online community. 

It sounds like the situation with your stepdaughter is really impacting you at the moment. It must be horrible to experience increased heart rate and shaking hands at the thought of it all. 

I thought I'd share some resources with you which may help you find a way to navigate communication with your stepdaughter and partner. 

It's normal for blended families to go through phases like this, and one service that is set up really well to support families is Relationships Australia. You can contact them on 1300 364 277 to find out what kind of help is available. 

Our one-on-one parent support service may also be something worth considering. You can check out how it works and register here if it interests you. 

Let us know what you think, and take care!