Daughter will not listen

[IMvegan]

She escalates everything we say or do into a major argument, I have to start 2 hours before we have somewhere to be in order to get anywhere on time on time. She screams at me about everything, says I embarrass her, she is almost 13 and I am walking on eggshells in my own home.

[IMvegan]

Also when I try to discipline her, like taking her phone away... she completely flips out... I mean the worst thing you can imagine...

[Maddy-RO]

Hey @IMvegan 

Welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing what's going on for you. It sounds like things aren't going too well with your daughter, which I imagine would be hard.

Have you noticed whether there's any specific trigger for her? Is there something in particular that seems to upset her?

Also, when you recently took her phone away and she acted out, what did you do in response? And did you give her the phone back or not?

Generally speaking, you should follow through on what you've said/ the consequences. If you give your daughter back her phone once she starts flipping out, then you're technically rewarding that behaviour, and it teaches her that flipping out gets her what she wants which means she'll be more likely to do it again. However, this is just one aspect of the bigger picture. I noticed you're from overseas, and we're an Australian-based service, so I'm unaware of the exact services in your country, but in Australia we have a service called ParentLine, where parents can call up and get free parenting advice/counseling. I'm wondering whether there's anything similar in your country - it might be worth doing a google search and seeing what you can find

[Siena]

I hear your pain. I am still having issues with my 21 year old step daughter

[IMvegan]

....so basically it never ends?

[sidneysdad]

it may not always be as bad as it seems . Often my son doesn't appear to be listening, but i have come to realise he can be but doesn't want to admit it. I can tell down the track by his actions that he actually was listening. The devils that they are they may have inherited from us , the parents, hang in , do your best to get your point across without alienating them, easier said than done , and one size does not fit all. What works for one child/parent may not for another , talking to other parents helps , if they are honest in their answers , cheers 

[Zo_ey]

Oh yeah, what works for one combo(of parent child), might not work on everyone. During these difficult years, we have to find a way to 'reach' the kids. When we are 'parenting', we forget to do the lighter things we enjoyed with our kids. The trick is to find something things you can bond over; then its always harder for kids to be rude or nasty all the time.