09-15-2018 09:27 AM
09-15-2018 09:37 AM
09-15-2018 09:40 AM
Such a tough time for you and it is so hard to see our children unsettled. 14 is such a tricky age for boys also as their hormones are playing havoc. The best advice I can give you from a parent that has had a child (16 now 17 year old boy) go through the mental health system is that often the first placement is not the right fit . It is ok to speak up and ask for a different counsellor/psychologist if you feel this one is not working. I also feel for you copping his outbursts. It sucks being on the receiving end but they do it to us as we are their safe space and I guess it is a way of them showing that everything is not ok in their world and they really don't have the skills to cope with that yet. From your last post it seems that you have a lot on your plate at the moment so it is so important to practice some self care. Even though as mums we want to fix everything , sometimes we have to accept that we just can't. How is his school? Are they on board with a plan for him?
09-18-2018 02:11 PM
My boy at 14 suffered severe depression. Two years on we are on the mend. Getting there, but not there yet.
He had some serious meltdowns, too. Times when he thought I was the worst person in the world. Angry times. Desperately sad times. Extremely anxious times. It's super tough as a parent too. Others have said it, but it's worth repeating: look after yourself. I didn't do that well enough (I thought I was OK...it creeps up on you). You can't look after him if you are not well.
So, what do I know? Not enough, but...
His outbursts may be a symptom. I learned that my sons outbursts were a cry for help. So punishment was not really appropriate. At the same time we needed to let him know that there are still boundaries. I told my son straight: that's not on, I'm putting up with it because I think you need help, but it's not acceptable. Usually I'd add a token punishment (no wifi for a couple of hours).
Medication can help - but it comes with side effects. You need a good psychiatrist for that. We discovered too that not all psychologists/psychiatrists are "good". I think more than 50% are good, in my experience. But there are also plenty that are not. Keep trying to find one that suits your son. You can actually just tell them: I don't think you are the right fit for my son. Can I get another opinion?
Write notes of his ups and downs, and keep hold of the various medical reports. It's amazing how much paper is involved, and how easy it is to loose them.
I believe in the power of a good nights sleep. No devices in the bedroom. Easier said than done, but that's the goal.
09-19-2018 12:51 PM
09-19-2018 12:55 PM
09-19-2018 05:27 PM
09-19-2018 08:33 PM
My heart goes out to you both @lizard0812 and @Troubled75. It's such a difficult space to be in when you are supporting a child going through such a difficult time. And yes self-care is a must but can often be overlooked when you're caring for others. I've probably said it before but always remember "you can't pour from an empty cup" so even working in really small care strategies (making time to read, have a cup of tea, meditate, go for a walk, journal) can help to recharge you