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Discussing my step children with their dad

Discussing my step children with their dad

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The3rdwife

Discussing my step children with their dad

Dad loves to spoil the family and never says no. I’ve been with him two years now, kids are 7 and 10 and their behaviour is increasingly hurtful because they’re so ungrateful. They’ve been used to getting spoilt by both of us but now we have them almost half as much time as their mum. My efforts to implement small daily tasks get a ‘great idea babe!’ from their dad but zero follow through keeping the routine up. The exhausting and most hurtful issues are the back talk, the complaints and the tantrums. The kids eat better food than most adults can afford, and we always have play dates here because the kids want to show off their awesome house and all their cool stuff. I spend more time with the kids because dad works and is the breadwinner, however they’re his kids, so I need his support! How do I tell their dad his beautiful boys are acting like spoil brats, embarrassing themselves in front of their friends and treating me like **bleep**. Help?
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Janine-RO

Re: Discussing my step children with their dad

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Hi @The3rdwife , 

 

Blended families can be a really tricky beast, and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job as a stepmum. There are so many challenges when you move in to a step parenting role (as well as massive rewards!), and as someone  I think you are spot on when you say that you need your partner's support - it's so important that both of you are on the same page with setting appropriate rules and boundaries, and he absolutely needs to be on the same team as you in terms of following through with expectations and keeping up with the routine. Things like speaking to each other respectfully, and doing agreed chores might be things that you can agree on as a family. 

 

Have you and your husband ever sat down with the kids and set out some house rules? It can be really helpful for the kids to feel involved in the process, and write down rules as a family. We have a great video from a mum sharing her experiences as a stepmum that you can check out here, there's some nice examples there of the types of house rules that parents often find helpful. 

 

I also found this article on blended families really helpful from the raising children's network-  they really emphasize that for the first 2 years at least it's ideal if their own parent sets the rules, with the step parent playing the role of supporter/ backup. 

 

If you think it would be helpful to have a chat to a professional, Parentsline is a free service that you can access to have a chat to a counsellor. I'm also going to tag in a few more of parents from our single parents board who may be able to share their experiences - you're not alone, and it sounds like you're doing a great job .