03-29-2017 09:58 AM
That sounds great @TeenToddlerKids I really like your approach of working with your strengths while acknowledging where the weaknesses are. i relate.
For example, I had seen the idea of changing the wifi password and then kids only getting it when they've done certain chores.
Sounds awesome! Except I know my middle child will just use her mobile and chew through her data, which I pay for. Or argue that she now can't do her homework because she needs internet access. I could possibly force her hand but after a horror year with her angry and upset almost all the time, I've found that (perceived) threats just don't work for her.
Every family has a bunch of variables that alter things for them. Which is why I love RO Parents because you get an array of suggestions you can draw from. Like this.
It's also a strong argument for the free coaching that @Sophi-RO mentioned. It gives you some really great, practical skills you can use as building blocks to improve communication and the nature of your relationship with your son.
03-29-2017 10:39 AM
03-29-2017 02:42 PM
It's a new age problem isn't it @TeenToddlerKids! My daughter's educated via distance ed and all her school work is now online. Her soical life is mainly online too, so it's a tricky one. I understand the hesitation in enforcing rules, as I have also had my possessions and house damaged in fits of defiance and rage. It's such a fine line I've found.
Things are a little different for us maybe? My daughter has been isolated in her room for 18 months, and is only just starting to reconnect with friends and spending a little time out with me.
My girl is in year 10 this year, so an important year as she wants to leave school and continue her education at TAFE or Uni next year. She missed 3/4 of the school year last year, and put little effort into last term with distance ed. I spoke to her over the Christmas holidays and clearly got through as she is working so hard this year and reaping the rewards.
I explained to her that no one can educate her but her. If she doesn't put the effort in, nobody can make her. But without effort, her future opportunities are greatly reduced. This is her life, and if she wants to achieve nobody can do it for her. Basically telling her that I can love and support her, but I can't make her the life she wants - that's up to her. It all comes down to her choices.
As I said, this year has been unbelieveable! The effort is amazing, and she has decided what her plan of action is and is giving it her all. This is from a girl who when spoken to previously about motivation, responded with "I am motivated. Just highly motivated not to do anything"!
03-30-2017 12:14 PM
@taokat it's so great to hear about your daughter and how she is motivated!
I guess that gives the answer to your question @TeenToddlerKids
I really don't believe in restricting kids by restricting their access to devices or the internet. The kid in me hate it!
The kid in me means that I sometimes am very addicted to the screen. Some times, I would be sitting there all morning and realized that I did not get things done. But whenever I have to pack a lot of things in my day, I usually can make a list and prioritize what I do and end up having more free time in the afternoon.
I guess it sounds insane but maybe you should discuss with your son and see if he wishes to take up a course or something relating to architect? but I do believe when he sees the necessity of achieving grades he would be motivated to do his school work.
One other thing, my friend's daughter recently took up a job in Hungry Jacks. After 5 hours work she came back and said to her mum, "this is too hard for me, I will work hard at school so that i can get a better job in the future."
03-30-2017 02:25 PM
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