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Great 14 year old teen, now has a boyfriend, only focused on him, not friends

Great 14 year old teen, now has a boyfriend, only focused on him, not friends

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Luckharj

Great 14 year old teen, now has a boyfriend, only focused on him, not friends

Hello Parents, I found your forum online. I am a California Mom, of 2 teen girls. Great girls, lots of sports, great GPA’s, always have friends. Now my 14 year old started freshman year with boyfriend interest, 15 in a few weeks.  Never was interested before, her older sister has barely gone on a few dates and is 16.  Beginning of the freshman year, was interested in a boy, husband and I were against dating in the beginning, we suggested they can focus on friendship.  Months later the friendship grew, we let them hang out slowly, doors always open, at each other houses.  Not the type of kids to hang all over each other.  Got to a point where he was pushing the title, asking my daughter to be his girlfriend. After many months, we suggested he talk to myself and my husband.  So he asks us if he could date our daughter.  We agreed with guidelines, that as long as he realizes he will respect her at all times, academics come first, sports and family.  It is now 9 months later, full on relationship, I love you’s, constantly talking and now with the virus we all can’t go anywhere.  We are using this time to benefit, space between them. Before the virus, they were only hanging out with each other, they are alienating their friends.  This boy is very quiet, doesn’t talk much but a yes or no. Is socially awkward, but very good looking.  My daughter was once social, outgoing and always at friends house, adorable, good looking funny gal.  This is no longer.  Now with the shelter in place, it is helping but all she does is talk to him, “when can we go on a walk” just constant. She doesn’t know read some of her texts but he’s controlling, makes her feel guilty if she is ever busy.  He texts her what to say to me.  Says, “I don’t care anymore if your parents like me or not” He is not healthy for her.  She is getting upset with us because we are limiting her phone time a little more strict. He is turning her into him, anti social and dependent on him.  This is too serious for young kids.  Academics do not come first.  She is listening but he is pressuring her to be available when it is convenient for him and when she’s not, he’s bugged. Some of her texts say “please don’t break up with me” She is obviously feeling he is all she has now and is becoming insecure.

 

I talk to her all of the time, so does my husband and her older sister.  Older sis doesn’t even like him but none of us say this.  We love her and want her to realize she is valuable without him that this serious of a relationship isn’t healthy for a young girl with her whole life ahead of her.....

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Jess1-RO

Re: Great 14 year old teen, now has a boyfriend, only focused on him, not friends

Hi @Luckharj and welcome to ReachOut. 

 

Sounds like such a tough situation you are in; not wanting to support the relationship when you are seeing the impact on your daughters life, but not being able to get through to her that there have been some big things she has missed out on by focusing solely on the relationship. It can be so hard to see from the outside and not be able to help her see the concerns and red flags.

 

How have the last two weeks been? I can imagine you are getting a much bigger picture of the relationship now that everyone is staying at home. How have you found your daughter has coped with the adjustment?

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