Help with adult son

[1984_]

Hi 👋 I need to vent today and looking for advice. My son is 39. He was supposed to leave for USA tomorrow from Australia to visit with his wife who is from there. They were going to her sister's wedding and had lots of activities and trips planned. He applied for his Visa later than he should and was denied. He is devastated as is she. There is no reason why he was denied, he is at a loss to understand why and has never been refused before and he cannot appeal in time to go. He has just come out of a deep depressive episode and was looking forward to this holiday so much. As a Mum I'm worried sick that he will do something silly while she's away as she will still go. I'm probably overthinking but I feel sick to my stomach as he is a negative thinker at the best of times as I am. We both suffer from acute anxiety. I just got off the phone with him and he's angry now and in a full on pity party as to why him? I try to tell him that life is like that but he takes everything so literally and personally. It sucks. I feel sad for him and my daughter in law but I just don't know how to not constantly worry and feel ill about it. He is not close by. He lives in another State so can't visit him. Can I have some feedback or help here please.

[Bel_RO]

Hi @1984_ ,

Welcome to the forums! I can see that you care deeply for your son and have concerns about his welfare. It is understandable that your son is upset after his visa got denied, since he was looking forward to travelling. I can also hear how difficult this is for you as you aren't able to visit your son during this time.

As your son is over 25 years of age, I am unable to give you direct support since it is out of our scope of service. However, I do recommend your son to reach out to Lifeline if he is feeling unsafe, as they are a crisis service and can provide him with immediate support if he needs it.

I'm sorry that I was unable to help you directly, but I do hope this helps!

[Bailey_RO]

Hey @1984_ 

I just had a read through your post and I am sorry to hear that your son won’t be able to travel tomorrow. I can only imagine how devastating this must be for him, especially since this was something he was really looking forward to. I know you mentioned that he has just come out of a deep depressive episode and it is understandable how much harder this must be for him – and how concerned you must be as a parent.

It is very understandable that you are feeling the way you are, and that you are concerned about him. It just shows how much you love him and want him to be safe – which is what every parent wants for their child.

I know you mentioned that he is in another state and I was wondering if you know anyone else that lives close to him or supports in his life that could check on him while she is away?

I was also wondering if you were aware of whether your son is receiving any professional support from a GP or mental health professional?

I am also mindful of the impact that this must be having on you and was wondering if you have any supports for yourself or if there is anything you could do to help take care of you during this time?

Take care

[1984_]

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I really appreciate your kind words. I cannot stop crying. I can only imagine how they are feeling tonight as he drops his wife at the airport and drives back home alone in the morning. I don't think he has many friends he can rely on that I can contact.
This trip had been planned for over a year after they had been in lockdown for over two years where he had a breakdown due to his employment and bullying.
It was a much needed and exciting time to look forward too. To say they are devastated is an understatement. He has travelled to America on at least three occasions with no issues at all with the visa application process. We can't understand why he was rejected as he has only ever had one speeding fine in his life, no police record, it just sucks and he can't get travel insurance to cover anything due to visa rejection not a thing he can claim. They saved so hard for this. He has no job at the moment and he is very close to his wife. I am not coping well at all.
Thank you for your kindness.

[Bailey_RO]

Hey @1984_ 

I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are going?

I can hear how much this trip meant to your son and how much he was looking forward to it. It sounds like there has been a lot going on in his life the past few years and this was something that he was really looking forward to and had saved up for. It is very understandable how devastating this must be for you all, especially when you are so unsure about why he was rejected in the first place.

I know you mentioned that you were not coping well on your last post and was wondering how you are coping with everything at the moment and if anything has improved?

I can hear how much this is also impacting you and how much you are hurting for your son. Do you have any supports for yourself at the moment or have you been able to talk to anyone about how you are feeling?