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Household responsibilities

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Uniondad

Household responsibilities

The wife and I are arguing about household responsibilities. She is a SAHM and I am a union worker. I travel 2.5 hours one way everyday for work right now and put in 10 hours at work. My job is not only physical but mentally draining as well. We have 2 kids one in school and the other still in diapers. She seems to think that after being gone for up to 17 hours depending on the traffic that I should come home and clean house and take out the garbage. I have other responsibilities besides work and home. I work on our only vehicle when maintenance is needed and run her and the kids all over gods creation because she don't drive. When her or one of the kids has a dr. appointment I have to take off work to take them. Someone please help me to understand why it is my responsibility to come home after a 16 or 17 hour day to clean house. BTW I do not get but 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night.
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Birdwings

Re: Household responsibilities

Hi Union Dad,

My kids are now teenagers, but I still remember how hard it was for us when our kids were young and there was almost a resentment between us in a way because he was working out of the home and commuting flat out and I was at home with the kids flat out and the demands on each of us were intense and exhausting, especially before the kids went to school. I used to envy my husband going to work and being able to just walk out the front door each day without having to negotiate with the kids and organize everything. I missed my job too and work colleagues and we'd moved here when we bought our house and I wasn't that settled. It sounds like each of you is finding it too much and perhaps you need to have a bit of a chat about how you're going and be honest with each other but in a nice way. Our kids always went to daycare one day a week to give me a chance to catch up and have some alone time. I don't know if you have family nearby who could give you and your wife a breather? 

You didn't mention whether there's a reason why your wife doesn't drive. So, encouraging her to learn to drive and become more independent would be a good thing. I've always been a very nervous driver myself but I've stuck with it and my confidence has improved. 

I also wonder whether your wife has developed close friendships and is she getting out of the house? Then, she might have a friend who could take her and the kids to the doctor instead. hat said, it's hard transporting little ones around with car seats etc. and a lot of mums return to work and are flat out. 

What I have noticed is that this period your in now puts a lot of strain on relationships so please hang in there and try to get through this time with young kids because it gets a lot better. 

Best wishes,

Birdwings