How to stop being triggered by my son's criticism and bully tatics

[Lilly]

My son is 16. I am a single parent. He has adhd. When I ask him to do a job like wash the dishes he procrastinates until it's late at night, says he's too tired and can he do the dishes the next day. I say no and the battle begins. He starts getting insulting. Asking me what I do around the house and belittling my house work load etc. He gets incredibly argumentative (it feels like bullying) and won't stop. I then resort to immediate consequences if he doesn't stop his behaviour. Like removing the Wi-Fi cord. He then gets angry and wants to talk. I am beyond talking and want to get away. I go to my room and he follows. Refusing to leave me alone. Sometimes blocking my passage to my bedroom or stopping me from closing and locking my door. I realise I could of done something earlier before it got to this stage, but what? How do I manage this situation before it gets so out of control?

[Bre-RO]

Hi there @Lilly 

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling with your son. It can be so hard to encourage your teen to take on responsibilities and something I'm sure other parents on our forums have experienced. 

You've mentioned that you're a sole parent and I just wanted to check in to see if you have any supports around you? Friends or family? It sounds like you could use someone to talk these things out with. We have a resource here that goes into managing family conflicts. You might also be interested in reading this comment made by a child and family professional we have to answer questions from parents on this forum. You could even submit a question too! 

Do any of our wonderful parents have some tips on how to manage these situations? 

@Alexendra @Dad4good @PapaBill @JohnT @Stepmum34 

[WonderNanny]

Hi! Dealing with ADHD can be tough, but with the right tools you can get through it. The key is to learn to act rather than react. If you allow things to get to a certain point, then tempers will flare. Your son is saying things to upset you, and it is working. You need to take control.

Find what he wants most, such as the WiFi cable. Think of it like a paycheck for a job.

Give him a list of expectations each day ~ dishes, homework, make bed, etc. When his expectations have been met, he has earned the cord. Or the changed password ~ etc.

You can do the same with his phone, video games, etc. 

If he doesn't do what is expected, and starts lashing out, keep it simple:

"If you want the WiFi password, you know how to get it." Do not engage any further, and do not let him bait you.

He will try to make you angry; he's a teenager. If he starts asking what you do around the house, feel free to rattle off a couple of items, followed with thanking him for wanting to know what else he can do to help you. Then ask which of the items he wants to do as well.