Implementing reasonable boundaries

[Help_needed]

At the moment my daughter is refusing to go to school and wants to go back to her old school that she wanted to move from due to bullying that has resolved itself. Just wondering how and what boundaries parents are implementing with there teens. I have pretty much not had entirely strong rules and boundaries with my children more so with my youngest amost 13 year old daughter who has suffered anxiety from a young age due to acquired brain injury and is very stubborn too. It is now biting me big time. I think my lack of implementing strong boundaries or rules is partly due to losing my mother and mother in law 5 years ago (5 weeks apart) then my father in law 12 months later they were all young and only in there 60's. I think in my head that I felt the need to kind of cotton wool them a bit as it was very traumatic for them and me although I always kept my grief in control.

[Erin-RO · Accepted solution]

Thank you for sharing this @Help_needed. It sounds like you've experienced some significant losses that may be understandably influencing your parenting? Are you chatting to anybody (counsellor or psych) about what you've been through? If not, you might find it helpful to. With regards to boundaries and parenting support Reachout have a coaching program available, which you might find helpful...

ReachOut Parents Coaching

[Erin-RO · Accepted solution]

Thank you for sharing this @Help_needed. It sounds like you've experienced some significant losses that may be understandably influencing your parenting? Are you chatting to anybody (counsellor or psych) about what you've been through? If not, you might find it helpful to. With regards to boundaries and parenting support Reachout have a coaching program available, which you might find helpful...

ReachOut Parents Coaching

[Sister]

Had you considered grief counselling for yourself @Help_needed? Once you take care of yourself you might find it easier to deal with your daughters issues. Three losses must be a lot for you to grapple with.

Regarding your daughters acquired brain injury, does she have an occupational therapist or another health professional to assist on a 1:1? Please don't blame yourself....you are doing the best you can.

[Help_needed]

Thanks and I have booked a coaching session

[Help_needed]

@Sister - Thank you for your supportive comments I do agree I need to address my grief properly. I am one of those people that puts everyone else first and I know I have to put my self first sometimes. I plan on taking some time to deal with my grief issues as I have and do always just put on a brave front so my kids don't feel the pain that I feel. I miss my mum not being here to help me and give me advise or tell me what I could be doing different based on her own experience with me (I was a terrible teenager) . Although I was a difficult teenager when I became a young mum at 17 I did emotionally return to my mum for support and end up having a very close relationship with her as she was always there for me and never gave up on me. Soon as I sort out the whole getting my daughter back to school I will then take some focus time for me.

In regard to my daughter she saw the Neuropsychologist last year for a 2 day assessment. I have her booked in to complete a mental health plan and have asked the school that I am enrolling her back at to see me so that she can have someone to talk to at school on a regular basis.

[Lan-RO]

Hi @Help_needed I can see that you are a very caring and kind person, putting others first. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, mother in law and father in law. It sounds like you were able to develop a strong bond with your mother and I can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now in regards to missing her support. It's really important that you take care of yourself too and practice some self-care. How are you looking after yourself tonight? It's great to hear you have booked in for the coaching session and that your daughter will be completing a mental health plan. I hope the school will be able to provide some support too. We're always here to listen.