Just dont know what to do, daughter with OCD

[Drawingblack]

I am a mother of a 25 year old daughter who has suffered with OCD for years now She was referred to the mental health team, had weekly calls (which were no help) She was told that if she did not take medication then they would not refer her for secondary care. She is adamant that she wants someone to help her, but does not want to be put on medication before trying to sort out why she has her urges. So they basically washed their hands of her and took her off the list. She is now back to square one. She has made massive improvements herself over the years, but unfortunately is still really struggling & she is not the only one. I totally agree with her, that the NHS should not be making her/anyone take medication before they offer her help, I am utterly disgusted with their lack of compassion for someone who does not want to be pumped with drugs without trying to help solve her problems first. I am so stressed trying on a daily basis to try to keep her on an even keel as much as that is possible But this is SO difficult, and im really struggling, I dont know if all the daily routines that I have been doing for her are just making her worse and reliant on me ?
We as parents have offered to take her to someone private but she refuses to let us pay.
Im just trying to reach out for someone to talk to as I think im going to end up at the drs on medication myself.
Or anyone out there to give her help without medicating her first.

[Erin_RO]

Hi @Drawingblack ,

Firstly I want to welcome you to the ReachOut parents and carers community. I am really glad you found your way to this space to share what you, your daughter and family are experiencing.

I am sorry to read that your daughter was denied the support she advocated for. That must have been extremely hard for you all to witness those doors close on your daughter at such an important juncture of her recovery. It sounds like she has incredible courage and self determination in identifying what she needs in order to manage a difficult diagnosis.

It is also clear that you have played an essential role in supporting your daughter navigate OCD. Mental illness can certainly be a family affair when it impacts someone you love, but it's clear from your post that your daughter is surrounded by love and support which plays such an important role in someone's recovery. It is also understandable to have doubts at times around whether that support is helping or hindering, especially after a distressing event such as a service denying care. I wonder if you have anyone in your life that you can lean on and talk to about things when they get tough?

I am also curious about your daughter's stance on not allowing you to pay for private therapy. Have you been able to talk with your daughter about this and why there is resistance around the offer?

Whilst therapy with the right provider is essential to recovery for a varied and complex condition like OCD, there are some digital resources which may assist you until the best therapy arrangement can be found:

International OCD Foundation - Family support 
OCD UK
OCD recovery journey
UK support groups

As we are an Australian service, we don't have access to the full range of resources for you and your daughter, but we do hope these can introduce what viral recovery options can look like. We also have some information here on OCD, signs, symptoms and professional support. 

Take care and wishing you and your family all the best.