12-03-2019 02:15 PM
12-04-2019 09:40 AM
OOO this is a tricky one. I wonder if your husband is more concerned about the maternal connection being stronger than the couple one? Many biological dads wouldn't have a concern about your sons lying on the bed with you to watch TV and I get why a step parent may struggle with this, especially if he doesn't have bio children of his own. If he doesn't have his own children he may not have experienced the loss of personal space and privacy that most parents do. I reckon this is only understood through experience myself. It's hard to explain how you just give up some of those rights for a while. Is he still getting used to the step parenting role?
Also, he may have been raised in a family that kept similar boundaries. I never went into my parents bedroom without an invitation or an early morning coffee offering and our kids don't come into ours often either. Not that it is off limits just there are plenty of other spaces to connect.
Your husband does have a right to a personal space. I imagine he doesn't often wander into the kids rooms or bathroom. As a step parent he has to be much more mindful of all these privacy concerns than we realise. It might really worry him. And maybe he's like my Mum and finds personal affection, or certain types of, awkward.
I figure it is important for you to find a compromise that respects both sets of feelings and opinions. Maybe you can keep what you are doing on the alternate weekends with some definite expectations of the kids in place that appease hubby's discomfort. Maybe put a couple of bean bags on the bed to make it seem like a more lounge room setting or use lots of cushions. I'm not sure if there is a solution but I reckon there is probably a real reason for hubby's position, even if it is old fashioned or unreasonable to you. He is the newish person in the family so it might take him a while to feel comfortable to express deep emotions about parenting.
It's great that you are trying to consider everyone's feelings just sometime impossible. Good luck.
12-04-2019 04:28 PM
Welcome to the forum . Thank you so much for your post. I'm sure this issue is something that many parents and step-parents go through so thank you for bringing this up. It definitely sounds like a tricky situation and I think @JAKGR8 has provided you with some pretty good tips. I would encourage you to have an open conversation with your husband and hopefully find a middle ground. As you said, bonding with your children is really important and it won't be long until they grow up, so its important for him to know you feel this way. Thanks again for your post and keep us updated.
12-05-2019 09:58 AM
12-05-2019 10:24 PM
That's a really great conclusion, and we are really happy to hear that the conversation went so well! The conclusion you both came to sounds really healthy and well balanced, and it is amazing that you were able to use our community's support in a way that was so beneficial for you and your family.
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