Letting Go

[Jojobatty]

Hi I have a great 17 year old son who is a credit to me. Good at college, has a part time job and is no trouble. He has just started to go out and it scares me I am finding it hard to let go. I call him (a lot) and he never moans but just asks me to stop but I panic all the time especially if he is late like 11pm I am on edge all the time. If he does not answer his fone I think the worst. I know it’s me and not him but what can I do?

[TOM-RO]

Hey @Jojobatty 

Thanks for sharing and good on you for bringing up a well-behaved son 

It's great that you've recognized this as an issue all on your own. I think it is common to have some worry when one's child start venturing out, but if you find that it's excessive then it might be worth chatting a professional about it.  Parentline offer free and confidential telephone counselling and support to parents and carers on any parenting issues they may be facing. If you're interested in calling then scroll to the bottom of this page to see which number is appropriate for your state (the number differs per state). 

I think speaking to a professional could be beneficial in terms of learning how to manage your worry. Simple things like changing your pattern of thoughts can be useful. For instance, next time it gets to 11pm and you think "oh no - insert worst case scenario-" you could try telling yourself "No, i'm not going to worry. If something bad has happened I'm sure I would have heard about it by now. He'll be home soon." Sometimes restricting your worry to a certain time frame can help too. So telling yourself I can only worry between 10 and 10.30 but not anytime before/after. 

It might also be worth telling your son about how you worry so that he understands why you call so often. I'm guessing you've already done that though?

[Jojobatty]

Hi thanks for the reply and I will try this tonight. I am going to look in to getting some help as I don’t want my son turning against me for smothering him.

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Jojobatty , 

You sound like a really caring, considerate and concerned mum. Please let us know how you go chatting to parentline, we would love to hear how things progress with your son. Helping ourselves, and our kids, navigate the challenges that come as they approach adulthood, and become more independent, is definitely a 'new' stage of parenting I think. It's something that we hear about a lot from parents of teenage kids - it's definitely not something that can happen overnight (just like they don't suddenly become responsible adults overnight!)   I hear your concern about your son feeling smothered - I think if you can keep the communication between you open, respectful and honest, you'll be on the right track.  It sounds like you're doing a great job already