Moving Overseas

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Casual scribe

Moving Overseas

Hello, 5 years ago my husband (who is American) and I came up with a long term plan to uproot and move back to the States. We have 3 children, 2 from my first marriage (21 and 17 ) and a 6 yo. At this point my son from my first marriage would be 18 and there would no longer be any custodial issues with his dad and he would be finished school. There was no pressure for either of them to make a decision 5 years ago, we were just putting it out there. My daughter has since moved out of home, is graduating university this year and is planning to move in with her boyfriend at the end of the year with a real view to marrying this same boy, and of course has no plans to move. My soon to be 18 yo boy had every intention of coming with us, and he was excited about it (although not so much the telling dad part). However, in November last year he got himself a girlfriend and is completely smitten, and of course, no longer wants to move with us because he doesn't want to leave her. My concerns for leaving him behind aren't that he won't be taken care of. He would move in with his dad and step mum with whom he has a good relationship and he sees them very frequently, he would have his sister and the rest of his family (grandparents, aunts, uncles etc) here to take care of him and he would be leaving town after a proposed gap year to attend university. My concerns are that I WILL BE LEAVING HIM BEHIND! I feel as though I am abandoning him and the guilt is suffocating. I am seriously torn. I want to move, I want this adventure. And I want him with me. He is a sensitive boy who is currently experiencing some anxiety. I have tried talking to him about it and he claims that it has nothing to do with us moving and everything to do with school and the fear of his girlfriend dumping him, but I am not convinced ( mummy guilt?) I have asked him many times if he wants us to stay, because we would, and he tells me time and time again that no, he doesn't want that. I don't know if waiting a year would make a difference, until HE moves out... or if I would feel the same. Everyone I talk to has a different opinion...from "there is NO WAY I could leave my child/children" to "You have to cut the apron strings sometime" to "live your life". I guess the overwhelming feeling is one of - kids leave their parents, parents don't leave their kids. I would appreciate any thoughts or input, constructive criticism/advice is more than welcome, but please keep any nasty comments to yourself. Thanks in advance 
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Re: Moving Overseas

@Mrs_DeveroD welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing. It's certainly a big decision and I can see why you are feeling conflicted as you'd be moving to the other side of the planet from your children Heart It sounds like you both have been open to each other and that your son wants you to go on your adventure. I'm sure he appreciates that you care so much for him and are considering his feelings on this. I will tag some of our other members to provide you further support and advice @taokat @Sister @sunflowermom

Casual scribe

Re: Moving Overseas

Thank you for your reply.



It is a massive decision and one we have been planning for 4 years. I am very mindful of his feelings on the matter ( and my daughter's too ) I don't want to be the reason for any unnecessary stress on either of them. I know my boy will be well cared for, that's not the issue at all.



suppose I am worrying that he's telling me what he thinks I want to hear because he doesn't like to upset anyone. I am also wondering at what point do I simply trust him and take him at his word? How many times do I need to ask him if he's sure he's okay with it. And also, do we change life plans simply because something has changed for him and he no longer wants to go? So many questions, not enough answers.